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It is heartbreaking that you have to . What all your years will be after you decided to crawl into , give up , & . First-responders risk their LIVES to save . YOU won't risk your seat




U want 2 go 2 'Z' without going 2 'C', without going 2 'D'. D very idea of attaining d goal itself is very convoluted bcz u don't want 2 b here in 'Now'. U want 2 go der right away. And dat is causing hell lot of problem for so many people.













World's wisdom in 1 hand site says: Indian Supreme directed the to do as told on the formation of the . Is that the right thing to do?


















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If you are a pornstar, NSFW is not a thing.

I don’t know what brought it on, but I’m missing a friend today and ended up writing a poem for them. I don’t know where else I may save it, so I’m going to put it here. I can’t imagine them seeing it here, but if they do happen to I think that will be okay.

Your Candles Are Still Lit

The days that I think of you
always catch me off guard.
It starts as a longing for something
that’s familiar, long lost to us both.

I’ll catch myself listening to your music,
and sometimes I wonder if you see mine
or if I cross your mind—or if you’re still
living. I have a lot of friend that have died,
that aren’t really dead, and I remember them
with a heavy regret that I didn’t speak just a second
longer than I actually did.

You knew me quite well, knew the way
my mind curled into itself, constantly thoughtful
of what I was leaving and what I was giving,
and what it would cost to breathe it all out.

I can listen to your music now, and writing
this poem as I do it feels like tapping the keys
myself. I wonder if you can sense me listening,
or if it’s all just the same day to day, wherever
you’ve hidden yourself.

My dear friend, would it be the same if I were to
speak plainly to those still with me, or would I
feel my sense of interest fading? I know you see me
as I keep the candles lit, and I continue to strive
for the living.

What is History?

You’d probably say, “oh, it’s the past” or “things that happened” and perhaps wave your arm behind you. And I’d say, “by whose measure?”    Because you see, not everybody looks at history the same way. For me, 9/11 is history. I don’t remember it happening. I didn’t look out the window and see the smoke, or hear the broadcast over the radio or on the TV. To me, it’s “something that happened.” But not to my parents.

To them, and to me, Pearl Harbor is history. D-Day is history. But not to my grandfather. When we watch those videos of nuclear drills, we laugh because, how is hiding under a desk, or lying on the ground supposed to protect you from a nuclear blast. It seems idiotic. My grandmother did those drills and she said this:

“We all knew it was stupid. We did it anyway, because it was better than doing nothing. It made us feel good, because we felt like there was something we could do, and maybe, just maybe, it would help.”

And in a few years time, there will be kids in school to whom “Sandy Hook” is just a thing they hear their teachers talking about. In a few years time, they’ll be reading about 9/11 in textbooks. In a few years time, World War Two will go the way of World War One - something only historians remember, something only talked about in the form of “I remember ______ telling me about it…”

I guess the question I’m really asking is, when does history become history? When the newest generation no longer has lived through it? When nobody living lived through it? Or is it when you read about it in a textbook?

expectation

my first ever dealing seriously with expectation is on 2016. i set a really high bar.

days are filled with worry and fear. i remember clearly how i was feeling dreadful, how i couldn’t focus doing minutia of the task that will lead me to that expectation because of the constant anxiety if i can’t fulfill the expectation. they bombards my head. 


i also remember the day when i know i’m heading an exam, i was worrying too, but those days i never expect anything, i didn’t put myself with a standard for getting A for example. i’m just doing my best and work accordingly. with motivation to study hard but not aim big. along the process, eventually i fell in love with everything i learn. i thought to myself, “every subject is interesting actually if we dwelve deep enough and stay a little longer”. that was simple. and learning becomes joyful.


now, it feels like i have to fulfill people’s expectation of as someone who is so dang smart which i’m not, on the other hand a slow learner. i learn, but slowly.

everyone is hurried, they running like wolves are about to devour them.

and i’m worried, thinking whether i should give up my free times and happiness in order to match them or just being considered “successful” like others.


while in fact, that shouldn’t even be a choice.

you should be happy and enjoy the process.


i remember i don’t care about the results, and always getting almost perfect score. i am looking for that kind of self in me now.


i just want to be a humble learner, who enjoys reading and learning for the sake of itselves.


as counterintuitive as it can be, i think we achieve better results if we aren’t focus on the results along the process.

Pura-pura kuat

Untuk memahami diri sendiri jauh lebih sulit daripada memahami orang lain. Kadang lebih mudah berbaik dengan orang lain daripada diri sendiri. Lebih tau orang lain kenapa daripada diri sendiri yang ternyata punya banyak masalah. Lebih kenal orang lain daripada diri sendiri. Tidak semua orang pintar cerita. Tidak semua orang berteman baik sama hatinya. Tidak semua orang berani minta maaf sama diri sendiri. Bahkan semua orang pernah berada di posisi ini. Berteman dan berdamai pada hati sendiri itu tidak semudah apa yang orang bilang. Kadang orang yang mengumbar masalahnya di sosial media bukan untuk mencari perhatian. Itu krna mereka sedang berada di posisi ini, sulit untuk berteman dengan dirinya sendiri. Bukan untuk mencari perhatian, tapi hanya ingin diperhatikan dan didengarkan. Bukan diacuhkan atau ditinggalkan. :)