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Helpless 24/7

So I thought my first post would be different. I thought I would have something really witty and inspirational to say but I don’t. Because I’m a mom and I don’t have time to sit down and come up with a stand up comedians speech. I’m a mom. Which means anything funny that I come up with automatically gets drowned out and lost by the piercing voice in the back seat. I’m a mom. Which means that I often have no idea what I am doing 90% of the time but somehow I make it work, because I’m a mom.
My son, who at this point is not even a year old, has been infected with hand foot and mouth disease. I have never seen so much drool in my life. Never have I felt so incredibly helpless as I sit in my rocking chair and hold my screaming infant because there is nothing I can do to relieve all of the pain he is in. I give him his ibuprofen and the whole time he thrashes and screams because he doesn’t understand why mommy is trying to put a nasty juice in his mouth. He can’t say mommy I’m hurting or mommy why do I feel like this. So I do what I can to relieve the pain that I can. But it’s not enough. He’s still hurting and I can’t do anything! So I sit and try to rock him to sleep. Because I’m a mom.
I’m sorry for all the sadness and tears coming through this post but for all of you that have gone through this feeling or will go through this, because if you have kids or want to, you will go through this. Yes it sucks but it will get better and when he finally falls asleep in my arms, I lift his face and kiss his cheek. All I can say is I’m sorry you’re hurting but remember angel, I love you.

So exhausted. After spending the night in the ER, Autumn was admitted late last night. She had a fever of 104.4 early yesterday afternoon which I got to break for a few hours. However, around 5 her fever started spiking again but this time there were other symptoms. Her body was mottled? I don’t know the official term but it looked like she had spiderwebs all over her, her breathing was very labored and her lips were turning blue. I hate hospitals but I have never been so glad to be in one. Watching her go through all of this was the most difficult thing ever because I couldn’t do a damn thing. I couldn’t take her pain away. Nobody could. The Drs said she was critical when we got her to the ER but stabalized her right away. They ran a bunch of tests and determined that she has a very very had UTI. my poor baby girl. The staff here has been nothing short of amazing and has helped keep me calm if nothing else. But they’re all SO good with her as well. Thank God. Autumn is now doing better and is due for her second round of antibiotics soon. Her fever is completely gone and she’s sleeping away her sickness. So thankful for this hospital right now.