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Cose diverse

Oggi mentre scendevo dalla metro, davanti a me un ragazzo, sembrava un businessman, ma era distrutto, la camicia aveva i risvolti fin sopra il gomito, il viso era rivolto verso il basso, non accennava a nessun sorriso, ha il braccio tatuato al massimo, quelli che sono pieni. Sembrava di una tristezza atroce, mi sono detta, che io non voglio vedermi così, non voglio che gli altri mi vedano come se il mondo mi stesse distruggendo. Oggi ho visto una mia me in un’altra persona, mi sono studiata, e mi sono detta che adesso è il momento di far capire a chi mi guarda che sono diversa e che sono cose diverse.

-valaros09

Pleaseee for the love of god, my sanity and my transportation fees pleaseee be considerate of the fact that your child is not the only child i teach and if you cancel a class please know that the times i give you for make up classes are heavily considered taking into consideration things like, but not excluded to how far it is from the class before and after yours, the fact that i am not a robot i have to eat, drink and pee and i cant afford taking three 15.000 buck taxis a day.


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Originally posted by nurabiaylmaz

(Not really eating but more like i have a thousand little scabs on my arms from picking at lord knows)

For goodness sake, i am willing to sacrifice my saturdays just to give your child a 30 minute make up class that usually takes me 40 minutes going to and from my house. I am willing to make class a little longer so i can at least fit the missed class’ book, i am willing to wake up early but none of that works for you. Jesus just work with me a little bit.


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Originally posted by todaglag

I have and average of five classes a day might not seem as much but when you dont drive it takes a toll on my soul and my ability to have as much energy as your child after i just spent 30 mins running around trying to be on time.

I love my job don’t get me wrong but a little consideration would be fantastic .

/merasa sedih itu normal/

Minggu siang, jantungku berdegup kencang. Aku berlari secepat kilat ke lantai 2, tempat laboratorium rumah sakit berada. Hasil tes labku keluar, dan aku ingin hasilnya baik.

Kuterima dua buah amplop tersebut, dan kubuka saat itu juga. Senyumku yang tadinya mengembang, tiba-tiba pudar. Hasil yang tidak aku inginkan terketik rapi di dalam selembar kertas tersebut.

Jantungku mendadak berdebar, hatiku gelisah. Segera kumasukkan kembali kertas tersebut ke dalam amplopnya, lalu aku bergegas ke parkiran. Hatiku hancur, berat….

Aku menangis detik itu juga. Aku marah. Sedih. Bingung. Bimbang. Takut.

Di sepanjang perjalanan aku menangis. Sendirian. Semua orang yang melihat mungkin menganggap, “Mungkin habis putus cinta,”

Mereka tidak pernah tahu harapanku yang kugantungkan setinggi langit, dijatuhkan begitu saja ke dalam jurang. Di saat aku belum siap.

Sesampainya di rumah, kuberikan kertas itu pada mama. Lalu, mama langsung berbicara banyak hal, plan A-Z untukku. Tidak sama sekali membantu meringankan berat di dadaku saat itu.

Air mataku masih saja mengalir. Aku juga masih bertanya-tanya, “Yaa Allah! Aku ingin marah padaMu, setelah ribuan doa yang aku panjatkan, Engkau menjawabnya dengan ini?!”

Aku marah dalam hati, sejadi-jadinya.

“Kenapa harus aku?”

“Aku capek! Kenapa Allah ngga ngerti juga?”

“Aku ngga mau diuji terus!”

“Persetan dengan ujian mengangkat derajat hambanya! Ngga butuh!”

“Aku ngga mau berdoa lagi. Percuma.”

Hatiku berat. Hatiku berat. Hatiku berat.

Hanya itu yang aku rasakan.

Setelah itu, Papa yang tadinya sedang tidur, segera mengambil kertas yang ada di tangan mama sambil membacanya seksama. Beliau terbangun, lalu mengambil handphone-nya, dan berkata, “Baru hasil test,” ujarnya.

Aku tidak ingin mendengar perkataan tersebut, hatiku malah jadi tambah takut.

Lalu, kuputuskan untuk tiduran, bertanya pada salah satu orang yang aku percaya. “What should I do?”

Intinya.

Tak lama kemudian, Papa memelukku, dan berkata “You gotta be strong. Mbak itu kuat. You’re stronger….” Perkataannya terhenti.

Ya, aku kuat, tapi tidak hari ini.

Tiba-tiba, ada seseorang di dalam benakku berteriak. “Lalu kapan? Sampai kapan mau terus nangis? Sampai kapan mau marah sama Allah? Sampai kapan mau sedih terus?”

Kuberteriak balik, “Sampai kapan pun aku mau,” jawabku.

“Jangan gitu. Ngga cocok di kamu marah terlalu lama,” balasnya lagi.

Entah apa yang terjadi dari sejak kecil, otakku sendiri ter-trigger untuk menjadi “bahagia”, walaupun aku sedang sedih. Memaksa tersenyum, walaupun sedang tidak mau. Entah apa yang terjadi…

Oke, kuturuti kemauannya, tapi satu hal yang perlu aku sadari, “Merasa sedih itu normal.”


Love,

Andini Yudita Sari

Still Thinking

August 25, 2019

I don’t know why but I still think about him. Or maybe I’m still very curious about what will happen. I am unsure whether to blame it on the awful super romantic telenovelas I watch or just my curious self, but I still find him on my mind. It’s so annoying because this summer has been so busy, I’m about to start MY LAST SEMESTER tomorrow and I somehow still have space to think about him. I am honestly so shocked. I’m trying to understand this but it’s still very hard, because I don’t know what I’m looking for. Really though, what am I looking for? Something casual, something serious, or nothing? Sometimes I think about every single option in different days, so I have no clue. I think the option I most lean towards is something serious. 

I kind of need some interaction or affection in my daily life. 

For the millionth time, universe please just do me a favor and find me someone to love. 

J

anonymous asked:

Sometimes if I’m really stressed or anxious about something I get a sharp pain in my chest. However it’s on the right side so it can’t be the heart. Is this a common or at least somewhat common anxiety symptom? I had a panic attack where I fainted once at age 11 which seemed to be triggered by nothing in particular and resulted in me fainting where I started to feel sick and uneasy and this feels similar except w/ chest pain instead of dizziness. (16 F,no history of heart problems, on adhd meds)

Anxiety can cause an increase of heart rate since it is similar to entering a fight or flight situation. This is especially true during panic attacks that are full of adrenaline. However, every person experiences symptoms of anxiety in very different ways. However, I recommend that you definitely seek out professional advice for this, if you are able, to ensure that this isn’t an indicator of a more serious medical condition. Lastly, I want to say that it is possible to experience panic attacks from no obvious reasons, especially if you have some sort of panic disorder.

-Mod Aesh

Wow, that was needed.

I broke down tonight and admitted a lot of things I’ve been battling for years, by myself.

I’ve been so severely depressed and scared to admit it. Hiding, scared, coping with drinking and pot and feeling so weak.

So many different levels and I couldn’t admit any of it because society or growing up fat made me scared of not being macho, feeling like weakness or failure made me a target or less of a “man.”

I’ve just been lying and repressing my feelings for years and it has been killing me. I think I honestly believed a lot of the lies too.

It has to change and I asked for help tonight and it was so well received.

I’m so grateful for that and that my home life is so strong, loving and comfortable. I literally would not change a thing there.

This is the worst time to try finding a place and move….

His credit is shit but he has a steady job

My credit is great but I’m on contract and it expires at the end of October.

Fuck me, neither one of us can sign for everything….

Everyone wants a credit score, letter of employment and references.

(October 7, 2018)

I want to pretend I didn’t

Bite these nails to bloody stubs

A relapse into a habit that haunts me

Got to love

Those little anxieties

I want to pretend my lip isn’t bruised

From biting it

And I want to pretend my eyes aren’t darkened by the circles of sleeplessness

I want to pretend I could be strong for you

For anyone

Want to pretend I’m whole and

put together

Want to pretend I could feel

both feet on the ground

Want to pretend I hear your voice

when you speak

Want to pretend I’m here at all sometimes

Want to pretend I’m who you want sometimes

But as I settle in

To another sleepless night

Thinking of a prescription pad

I’ve been avoiding

I wonder if maybe

I’m just tired

How to not want to die when you’re at work? Like i like my job enough and its a great place to work but the pain in my feet makes me hate it and want to DIEEEE anyone got good tips? And i cant really afford expensive shoes rn

Like i asked someone about this and his advice was “buy this £150 pair of shoes that MIGHT relieve the pain somewhat” like bitch I’m minimum wage you think i can afford that???

Low key freaking out over my first day back tomorrow

I have no idea what’s going happen. I don’t know if I need to dress lab ready. I don’t know what stuff I need. I don’t know what classes I’m doing. I KNOW NOTHING! All I know is I’m on campus from 8-2:30 in one room. 😫 pray for me. Going to go to the gym before class to burn off the stress/anxiety.

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i was thinking how i wished we knew all about hs2 already so i could live in peace without checking social media every 10 minutes but then. after the single comes the video and the whole album and then tour and i

Copy of Vision Boards-ideas to help you cope

Vision Boards are powerful tools that use the principle “you are what you think”. Vision boards are effective visionary work you can do quickly, anytime during your day.

I have included a few here that I love. They are cute and memorable. You can Pin these or save and print them! Place them in a favorite spot so you can read them as many times as needed.

when you feel ANGRY


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when you feel ANXIOUS


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Don’t forget TO:


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How to find the flowers…


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Good Reasons to put down your PHONE


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How to start LOVING YOURSELF


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The Benefits of Sobriety


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Stressful day TO-DO LIST


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I am thankful for…


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EVEN MORE things to be HAPPY about


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Tiny colorful coping tools for when you are angry, stressed anxious and for staying calm, loving yourself and finding happiness. Put down your phone, go outside, take a hot bath, read a good book…whatever it takes to be happy.


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