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It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Happy Holidays Everyone!! : : :













Best holiday gift-in-the-mail="Quit Like a Woman" by founder aka . Here we are in Florence Italy at the start of Holly's -free Renaissance. Love the evidence-base in this book for how to quit liquor & substances










I want to give a shoutout and a standing ovation to all who just added another day clean and sober to their journey in life. To all the newcomers welcome to the miracle society of sobriety.







Ik sprak met dichter over wijn en pammetjes, het vinden van ware liefde en de krachtige werking van koud douchen. Lezen en luisteren via . (foto’s: Martijn Gijsbertsen)



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Entrepreneur Gregg Champion on hitting rock bottom and wanting to change from addiction to recovery. 25 years sober, he provides clients with the unique service of mentorship for long-term sobriety and long-term success.



















We call it the . "Online Fellowship" resources help maintain 24/7, wherever you are:












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Don’t worry, eventually your weight will even out and your brain will start to function again.

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Getting a bit personal here. I got pancreatitis because of my drinking habits. I went and got sober in Feb 2019- then in April 2019 I was hospitalized for it. I was not drinking, but my body was unable to properly heal it self. I was in the hospital till September 2019. So when going through what I have, I did a lot of reflection and growing from the experience. Yes I slipped, it’s happens. However I do have help. So when I make posts of Twilight reacting to warriors drinking it’s because that is my mood. I use to be that person who showed I was drinking and having food. I was that person. I oddly feel I have explain things, when I am sure nobody really cares. Looks, I am glad you are enjoying a drink or out drinking with friends, however it does not make you look great when you just litter your own social media with “look at my drink, I am drunk now.. woohoooo!” Like I was that person, so I know! However it makes me concerned when all anyone I know post just a lot of drinking photos. I make me wonder like “I know you are not drinking to excess for just fun reasons. Something is going on and you feel alcohal is the only way to deal with it.” It’s moments like that I just groan. Talk to your friends, be open about when you are having an issue, instead of posting publically how drunk you are because life is getting rough. I literally will listen and comfort anyonenone of my friends right now if they needed to vent, if it could help prevent them making themselves look poorly online. You may not care now, but years later you will look back and go “ooof did I really do that?!” Yeah bruh, you did. Please drink responsibly and don’t forget water. You are loved and cared about.

I’m struggling with sobriety every day now. Since this MS diagnosis and now with the festive season and everything being so messy and chaotic. Literally every day I’m thinking about drinking, like it’s only a matter of time before I relapse. I don’t want to take you with me though so, I have to stay sober for both of us. 

So the last time I had a drink was December 16, 2017 at my work holiday party, where there is an open bar and lots of peer pressure to drink. This years work holiday party is on Thursday and I’m heading into the office tomorrow (I work remotely usually) so wish me luck!

5 Years or 60 Months

Yesterday was my 5 year soberversary. I’ve been sober for 5 years! That’s a long time. Every so often I feel tempted or I feel left out of social situations and events because I don’t drink, but I just keep moving forward. I’m not saying it’s easy but I feel like the longer you’re sober, the less the urges or cravings have power over you. I feel more confident in giving the middle finger to my “I need a drink” thoughts.

[Quick side note for my non-addict peeps out there: if someone tells you they don’t drink or they don’t do drugs, stop telling them “oh you’re missing out!” I know you don’t mean any harm by saying that but it’s definitely rude and could be detrimental to recovering addicts.]

Anyway….I’VE BEEN SOBER FOR FIVE YEARS!!! WOOOOO!!!

Recovery

Recovery use to feel so far away, like we wouldn’t even make it to the next day. We have crawled from the dark pits of our past, striving to make this chance at regaining our lives the last. We cant succumb to the life we left behind, we wont make it anywhere staying frozen in time. Each day becomes easier to overcome, we discover that this battle for our sobriety can be won. When we rely on God as our higher power we find that our toxic past can no longer devour. Our children and loved ones are depending on us and we will show them that we can rise from the dust. Mistakes are just that and we cant change the past, it’s all up to us to walk the right paths. We can continue to hold on to pain and sorrow or better ourselves and strive towards tomorrow. We cant lack the motivation to keep our dedication. No longer can we let hate and anger pave our paths, for if we do our lives will feel the wrath. We have to try and heal our hearts so that we can stop falling apart. Dont let gravity pull you in for this fight for your life you can surely win.

December 09th, 2019

There’s less than one month until my sober birthday and MAN am I feeling it. My life is so incredibly different now compared to this time last year, but I am still feeling that itchiness and uncomfortableness that comes with an anniversary.

December 08th, 2017 was the date of my last relapse. I had somehow strung together five months of sobriety and then lost it at a mixer for school. I continued to drink for the next month- still trying to get sober, but a pretty half assed effort.

So this time of year is weird for me and I’m feeling weird and I’m just going to have to get through it because drinking is not an option.

Honest reflections of a fangirl

I had something precious once upon a time. I didn’t understand it then, but my lack of understanding didn’t make the thing any less significant in my life. My current understanding also does not make the thing less meaningful now than it felt to me then.

That *magic* ultimately proved to be fleeting and false, like Barty Crouch, Jr. posing as Mad-Eye Moody, but it taught me things nonetheless. I appreciated every moment of it while it felt real.

Writing my heart out back then connected me with people in a way that was quite real. A few of those connections have endured even though they don’t feel the same as they did when we felt mutually in love-clad limerence with the same characters at the same time.

It was a convergence that couldn’t hold — so much feeling standing on the blade of a knife wielded by a creator who valued greed over honoring her creation. Since the creation was hers, that was her right of course. The blade ultimately toppled, but I fell off long before it did. I couldn’t tolerate the intensity.

I’ll be a fan of other characters in other worlds. I am now even. Though I recognize this experience can’t be like that was for me. I would never expect it to be.

I did long and hard therapeutic work, and I lost access to the nervous system pattern of generating emotional drugs. I changed the pattern. This past year in pain I’ve lamented the loss and wished to have back the emotional heroin. I’ve even tried to recapture it at times when I’ve felt a muse, a spark resembling the old feeling. But the chunk of wood in my heart is still charred black and sopping wet. No spark will catch fire there.

So I play around a bit with words — the honest words from my heart, and fictional stories inspired by real feeling. But I feel no magic in the words I write and no magic in the world — the real world, the fantasy one of another’s creation, or my own fantasies for the characters and about the characters. It’s like making a copy of a copy of a copy and so on such that the print quality erodes over time.

I’m a better writer now than then, in that I have greater skill and ease of flow. But the *magic* in me is gone, and thus doesn’t pass through to my words. The characters deserve better. They deserve nothing less than magic. And I’m realizing I can’t make it happen.

I feel sad about this in a way that most people couldn’t understand even if I was willing to explain it. The journey giveth and the journey taketh away. As a writer I feel myself now as the shell of a creature who died. Her body slipped out to sea, and I washed up on the shore and filled with sand.

Things I’m proud of:

• Today’s my birthday, I’m 21yo

• I’m 23 days sober

• 4 months self-harm clean

• 27 months drugs clean

• 5 years since my last suicide attempt

Maybe this doesn’t seems a lot but I’m really proud I’m still here, still fighting against the voices in my head, even if my heart still scream at me to just give up. It’s a daily battle but lately I’ve felt REAL happiness, something that I’ve never been able to feel. the weight on my chest that depression has made me feel in recent years is becoming lighter day after day, one day at a time.

I realized I’m alive and that it’s good to have a tomorrow.