I’m so sorry. I gave him your name and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in pain like that, all I could think was how to make it stop. All I can think about now is how you never would have bent. You’re so young and I hate that you’re in this war, I’d hate to see you in this circumstance, but you signed up to be a soldier. You knew the risks. You were willing to stay strong if faced with this possibility.
I thought I was. Now I don’t know anything. Are you even going to be alive when I get back? I gave you up because I thought it would be obvious which side you’re on, I hoped it wouldn’t be new information. But if it gets you hurt, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I certainly don’t expect your forgiveness.
How’s the shop doing? I’m sure you’re still getting paid, since it’s all automatic. If I die here I wonder what Alastor will do with it. I can’t betray you the enemy and leave you unemployed all in one stroke.
God. It’s all just shit, isn’t it?
yours in regret,
(Composed in the Greengrass dungeon, never written down and therefore never sent)