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Labels...a perspective

I love the conversations we have in The Breakfast Club. You get so many different perspectives on the subjects. How each and everyone of us approaches a topic is different. How each and every one of us does ‘ME’ is different. How we all do D/S is different. And different is GOOD! It is very good! If it works for you then WAY TO GO! This week we had some deep conversations about empowerment and labels. The consensus is that though labels are needed to begin to define who we are and how we identify, they are very limiting. When entering the lifestyle you figure out if you are a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’. Then trying to fit yourself into the preconceived ‘boxes’ of what category. But, many of us don’t fit into one box. There are MANY boxes that we fit into.  Some people have been ridiculed and told they cannot be a Daddy and a Master or Sadist. That a Little cannot be a submissive or masochist. This is very disturbing. We all have NEEDS and those needs depend on our headspace at the time. Below is my answer to the labels topic. It shows that we are all complicated and should not be put into a ‘box’ with a single label on it. 

Labels…labels…labels… where do I start? Let’s start with the labels I identify with: I am a submissive, little and masochist, bisexual. Other labels in the lifestyle that have been applied to me  are babygirl, alpha sub and he calls me cuddle bear and Raven.  Labels in general, seem to be needed so that we know who is a dominant and a submissive. However, within the above labels there are SO MANY CONNOTATIONS and MISCONCEPTIONS. When many people see the word Little they see pacifiers, diapers, night time stories and onesies. That isn’t my little.  I have LITTLE tendencies. When I am feeling little I was stuffies, cuddling and I will sketch or color in my adult coloring books. I can’t ‘put myself’ into little space. My little space happens organically because of my mindset of the time. Stress, sickness, being tired and overwhelmed cab bring it on. I am a MASOCHIST but that looks different as well. Some assume a masochist thrives on all pain and wants to be bruised and bloodied. I do not. I am not a pain slut. I am exploring pain but not all pain excites me. And though I like to see some bruises I don’t want welts and to be bloodied. I am a babygirl but not a baby. I do not age regress.  ALPHA sub,  so MANY different meanings to this. First sub in a poly, strong sub, so many meanings. I think the word ALPHA is one of my least favorite labels. The word ALPHA has negative connotations to me, and sometimes I feel people confuse being strong with being a dominant. In my mind ALPHA is a dominant leader and I don’t see that in myself.  Cuddle bear is the name I respond to when I am feeling little and Raven is what he calls my masochist.  

 Labels…yep labels so MANY labels.  Good, bad and ugly labels have a place. Labels identify us but after that it is up to each and everyone of us to get to know each other and discover what these labels mean to each of us.  We need to not make assumptions when we see the labels. 

Ever since I learned that the creator of the term “enbyfluid” no longer supports the identity, I’ve been wanting to redesign the flag. I’m enbyfluid, it was actually the label that made me finally feel comfortable after years of looking for the right one, and I don’t want to stop using it. But now, I feel uncomfortable using a flag made by that person.

(Side note: if you know who the creator of the term is or find out, PLEASE don’t harass them about this. They don’t deserve it, it won’t do anyone any good, and it’s not what I want.)


Describes someone whose gender is fluid between multiple nonbinary genders and only nonbinary genders.


I’ve been struggling to try and redesign the flag for months, but then inspiration struck me. I realized that the concept of enbyfluid is actually very similar to genderfaun and genderfae- your gender is fluid, but only within a certain category of genders. So, I decided to try and design a flag inspired by the other two.


(The version without the symbol is under the cut, I just like how it looks with it lol ;P)

Here are the meanings of the colors:

Green represents nonbinary genders that are partially male or male-aligned. (Because blue+yellow, the colors typically associated with male and nonbinary)

Orange represents nonbinary genders that are partially female or female-aligned. (Because red+yellow)

Yellow represents genders that aren’t aligned, connected to, or related to the binary in any way.

White represents the lack of a gender.

Give me your thoughts! I’d also like to maybe coin an alternate name, that follows the scheme of genderfae and genderfaun, I just can’t think of what that word should be lol. Some people are uncomfortable using the word enbyfluid because of its origins, so an alternative would be nice, I think! So let me know if y’all think of anything

-Mod Lee

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anonymous asked:

Hey, I'm struggling with gender and gender identity, coming to conclusion that I am pretty sure nonbinary. Could you please help me out with some approved information about the number of genders, or three genders, that I yould work with please?

Lee says:

There isn’t one universal set of approved gender identity labels- because gender identity is a social and cultural thing there are tons of labels out there.

Some are culture-specific (like two-spirit and other labels from Native cultures that have gender identity terms that can only be bestowed on you by your tribe), some are pretty well known and well-accepted within the trans community but not always understood in the cis community (genderqueer, agender, genderfluid, bigender, etc), and some are micro-labels that don’t have much name-recognition outside of the trans community because they are usually newer and pretty specific so they may not apply or appeal to everyone but they’re just as valid as anything else.

You may not relate to certain labels and that’s fine- nobody is forcing anyone to use a label that you don’t want to, which label you want to use is 100% your choice. But you can use almost any label if you feel that it fits you the best and is the most comfortable.

The What gender am I? post has a few links on gender identity labels that you can use to get started!

anonymous asked:

Ok this is probably going to be kind of confusing but basically I've never had a crush before and now I think I like my best friend (she's a girl, so am I) but I don't know if it's actually a crush or if I just got that idea in my head because I've never liked anyone. I've been questioning for a little while but now I'm just really confused, I don't know if I'm gay, bi, aro, ace - I know there's not much you can do about it but do you have any advice??

thanks for reaching out 💖 as you say I don’t have ‘the answer’ but here are some things to consider:

  • these things take time. as frustrating as it can be, try to be patient with yourself as you work things out
  • ask yourself questions about the kind of relationship you would like to have with her. if she asked you out tomorrow how would you feel? can you imagine yourself going on dates with her? kissing her? having sex with her?
  • some people find the split-attraction model helpful - romantic and sexual attraction can sometimes be different. for example, you might feel that you would like to date her but you don’t experience sexual attraction, in which case you might id as bi ace, ace lesbian, etc.
  • western capitalist society has very specific messages about dating, romance, etc. and teaches us to value partners above all other connections. (this really set in during the industrial revolution because capitalists pushed the idea of the nuclear family to increase profits). there are so many different kinds of love and in an ideal world we’d realise they are just that - different - and stop ranking them. try not to internalise the message that friendship and family are inherently less important than partners
  • any label you use doesn’t have to be permanent - sometimes things really are phases and that’s ok. if you start identifying as one thing and then a few years down the track, you realise that doesn’t fit you anymore, more power to you. just because homophobes weaponize ‘it’s just a phase’ doesn’t mean impermanence is bad
  • you don’t even have to have a specific label if you don’t want to. some people prefer to use umbrella terms. for example, if you realise you like girls but you’re not sure if you’re on the ace and/or aro spectrums, or how you feel about other genders, you can always use umbrella labels such as wlw, sapphic, queer and gay.
  • you’re not alone! there are so many people out there who are/have been in similar situations. if it helps, I also don’t know if I’m gay, bi, aro, ace or what. I’ve got as far as ace wlw but as for the rest, time will tell

feel free to message again and I’d love to hear how you go. all the best! 💕

You don’t need to label yourself.

You are an individual. You are you.

Hipster, goth, kawaii/princess, etc. You don’t need to fit yourself into any of those words. Listen to whatever music you please, dress how you want, do what you want and don’t worry about tags for your individuality.

I have absolutely nothing against labels. Go, label yourself as you please, but don’t feel pressured to. Especially if you’re unsure, or maybe you fit into multiple labels (I know I do!)

You’re more than a subculture.

Don’t force yourself to be something you’re not. Be you.

there’s this bizarre dichotomy that dominates our society, which goes like “romance is important enough that it has to be insidiously injected into every children’s movie ever” and “sexuality is not important enough to warrant the amount of labels and subsets that young people are using nowadays”. that these opinions can coexist is just truly unfathomable to me

anonymous asked:

you don’t think it’s bi/pan-phobic to exclude them from the butch/femme dynamic? i understand that butch/femme was created by lesbians for lesbians. but this was before bi/pansexuality became popular. it’s like how bi/pan has evolved as enbys became more known. i just think it’s unfair to say that bi/pan people can’t share the same sapphic dynamics that lesbians can. it’s still a nb/w|nb/w relationship.

i don’t! i love bi women so much, the bi community was my home for like 10 years! and i loved it. i can promise you that i have an understanding of what being a bi woman feels like and what being a bi woman that wants to identify as femme feels like. i have been on all sides of this argument, i’ve read the discourse blogs and the long ass rant posts and asks, and here’s what i’m gonna tell you. no one in the real world is going to question you if you say you’re femme/butch and bi. the people that you’re harming are the butches and femmes that others now assume can be approached by men, because these terms don’t equal lesbian anymore. i’ve been on twitter and other platforms, people think butch/femme means masculine/feminine, the people that don’t understand the nuance are the majority. you are not fighting this huge mass of angry lesbians, you are further misunderstanding an already shrunken community.

another thing about butch/femme is that they’re an identity, a permanent one. by making it seem like a choice or a temporary label that can be applied to a woman while single/in a sapphic relationship but will be discarded while in a relationship with a man, shows a clear misunderstanding of what’s at the core of the identities. it’s also alienating for bi women??? it feeds into the idea that if you’re bi and dating a man you’re any less gay or part of the community, which is not true. that’s why!! there has been a push for doe/tomcat/stag. which i think are so great and way more inclusive of bi experiences instead of trying to force yourself into a community that doesn’t.. it just isn’t for you. and it’s so sad to see there being a divide between two groups that have way more in common than they do differences.

bi women have just as many complexities with gender and expression that they experience because of their sexuality as lesbians do, so why not create a space and a community where they can talk about it in a fully nuanced way instead of picking and choosing aspects of a label that doesn’t fully fit their experience??

i love butches so so so much, but that doesn’t mean i’m any less in love with any masc woman, regardless of their sexuality. there Are certain things that a butchxfemme or butchxbutch relationship has that you can’t find in others tho.

finally i wanna say two things to any wlw that wants to identify as butch or femme and isn’t sure if they can. 1. read and listen. there are countless articles and books, interviews, documentaries, blogs, and people that talk about this community. learn the history. it’s so much more than appearance. 2. it’s ok to try things out. i said this in my other ask. if you read everything that i said and the history and genuinely listened to it and you STILL feel a connection to these labels and want to be part of the community, consider that you might not be bi. try it out in whatever measure feels safe, call yourself a butch lesbian in the mirror and see how it feels, come out to just your best friend, talk to your fellow sapphic friends about you feel. it’s ok.

anonymous asked:

What would be the proper term for a girl who likes other girls but does not like the idea of having sex? I say I’m lesbian to people who ask but I’d like to find a better word to describe myself

Lesbian is perfectly fine for this! You are a girl who likes girls!

If you’re looking to communicate that you’re not into/open to having sex, you might play around with:

  • Bambi lesbian
  • Stone lesbian
  • Asexual lesbian
  • Celibate lesbian
  • Sex repulsed lesbian/arcsexual lesbian
  • Sex averse lesbian

I included a variety of terms that have a variety of definitions and implications, since there’s a lot your ask could cover and you’ll be the best judge of what you actually want to communicate!

However, I’m not sure you’re going to need to go much further past “bambi lesbian”: “a lesbian who is more interested in cuddles, hugs, and kisses rather than sex”.


The problem I have with a lot of people today is they make assumptions about people before they understand anything about them then act as if their assumptions are true. We all make assumptions about people it’s a survival mechanism hardwired into us but we also have the luxury of ignoring those initial assumptions and investigating further. I believe this is one of the core tenets of human intelligence that separates us from other species and has allowed us to grow so much as a species. When we ignore this trait of our humanity it can, and often does, lead to a fundamental misunderstanding of ours peers. This in turn can lead to rising hostilities and if the trend continues it boils over leaving a mess behind that can be quite difficult if not impossible to clean up. The constant need to label people and the us vs. them mentality doesn’t really help either because a lot people aren’t always unamenable from the word go but the moment you label them is gives them good enough reason to ignore what you are saying. Point being that if you are actively hostile against a person simply because of their perceived beliefs before even understanding them makes the people who may have been willing to listen to you much less likely to even attempt to understand your point. Attempt to understand people and let people attempt to understand you before you make your conclusion about a person. Honestly none of this stuff is new by any means it been happening for years, centuries, fucking millennia. Regardless use your ability to understand people before you make enemies of people who could have been your allies. Everyone will take certain stances but the reason they take those stances won’t always be the same. Give it some thought you might be surprised just how much you have in common with other people.


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anonymous asked:

Butch is exclusive to lesbians

Ah but that’s the thing! Historically, “lesbian” meant any woman who curently had or had been in a relationship with another woman, regardless wether she felt any attraction to men. It wasn’t until lesbian separatism in the 70′s - an extension of the lesbian feminist movement - that a distinction was created, two whole decades after the rise of the butch/femme culture of the 50′s. Bi women were a huge part of that scene and has as much right to claim that heritage as those exclusively attracted to women. 

And interestingly enough, not every country went through the same degree of separation as the anglophone ones: for example, in Sweden we do have the labels lesbian and bisexual as identity labels but when we host “lesbian only” events, any woman or woman alinged person who is attracted to other women (alinged) are welcome, regardless of if she feels attraction towards men, because that part never got touched by the separatist movement. 

Basically, things aren’t as black and white as it might appear and the histories of the LGBTQ+ labels are so tightly interwoven that we can’t sepparate them - that’s why we have one community for all of us.

-mod liz


We won’t be answering these asks anymore for a while because at this point they’re just trying to start a fight.

-*Mod Star*

anonymous asked:

i'm like... constantly confused about questioning my gender, to the point that i don't even really feel confident saying i'm cis or nonbinary? do you think it's okay to not ally yourself as either? i'm just a me.

I think we get so wrapped up in questioning being a verb, an action, a journey that we forget that it’s also an identity. It is a label, a state of being. “I am questioning” is a full sentence. And there doesn’t have to be an end to questioning. You can be forever questioning. You can be forever unsure.

Just as people are allowed to use whatever and how many ever labels they want, we are also allowed to use no labels whatsoever. “I am just me” and “I am who I am” is also a complete sentence.

It’s your identity, you get to choose how to navigate and represent it.


anonymous asked:

I'm not sure whether to use the term genderqueer or nonbinary. I don't feel neither boy nor girl but I do lean towards presenting more masculine. I'm not sure which one I should use or if if I could switch between the two. Any advice?

You’re allowed to use whatever terms you want. You’re allowed to use how many ever terms you want. You may use one term. You may use multiple terms alternatively. You may use multiple terms depending on situation. You may use multiple terms together at the same time. You might even use no terms whatsoever. You can do whatever you want with labels. They’re going to be describing you, after all. What makes you the most comfortable?

When figuring out what term or terms you want to use, it can help to try out both of them for an extended period of time. Think on what each term means to you. When you’re using them, do you draw a sense of comfort from either or both? Is one easier or harder to share with others or explain to others? Is that something that is going to play into your decision - to what extent do you want it to impact your decision? Are you drawn to one term over the other for any reason? Is it upsetting or anxiety-inducing or off-putting to think of not using one or either of the terms?

Basically, what do you want to do? And it’s fine if this evolves or changes over time. You can only pick what’s best for you right now.