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No matter how many labels you have, they all work together well.

Multifaceted, and iridescent, your labels make you the unique and whole person that you are.

Shine Brighter

Oppression has too many deadly consequences, but the silent, subtler ones are the ones which break your heart into the sleepless nights. Can you remember a moment when somebody accepted you as you were, and your eyes got watered? Do you remember a time when someone did not discriminate against you because of your gender or sexuality when they had an obvious chance to that made you feel just so grateful?

You know we should not feel like this, right? We should not feel thankful for not getting disrespected. It should be how we get treated every day by everyone. However, we are conditioned to feel less, to believe less, to see less and to expect less. So that a single act of basic human decency leaves us in tears, reminding us that we could live in a world where we did not have to worry about getting misgendered, invalidated, kicked out.

Today when my mom and aunt were talking about marriage, they were talking about a typical “woman and man” marriage as always. I am a non-binary female, and my mom knows that. I have not had this conversation with my aunt, but I guess my mom has informed her too, in order to protect me from getting misgendered by her on a daily basis. None of them understands it, but they try not to hurt me, so they kind of play along. My orientation, on the other hand, is not that welcomed. I have come out to my mom as pansexual a while ago. She knows I can fall in love with a woman too, which scares her. She used to talk in a way that would ignore that part of my identity, in a way that I was only into boys even though she knew it was not the case. I really do not take much offense in this kind of things anymore, but it touches something in your heart. It leaves a small mark. It whispers in your ear in your sweetest moments that, you are not truly, entirely accepted, and your parent prays to god for some parts of your identity to “go away”. That there are parts of you that your loved ones hope would get erased. Even though those parts of you are really harmless, normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. But you learn to feel ashamed of the things that you are not even responsible for.

Today, my mom mentioned “well, I do not know what they will end up with actually. Will it be really a “husband”?” And she did not have an angry tone, it was like she was joking. She was seriously mentioning it in a normal, funny way. Like she was supposed to do. I was not used to that. I am not used to that. I am not used to being accepted without getting a whole discussion first. I am not considered as an “okay person” without having all my choices questioned. Not that she has not questioned me before, she has. But still. That sweet taste of acceptance. The first time I had it, was when I heard her correct my aunt about my gender identity. It was such a thrilling moment of freedom. Being regarded as “normal” despite having a whole world outside against you, willing to tear you into shreds for not accepting what my body had to offer me. When everyone around was discussing whether you “exist” or not, your mom correcting another family member to respect you, was a powerful moment.

Later on, when they commented on guys and said I might like one of those boys one day, I said “No, that is not what I want. I showed you what I wanted.” Because even though I thought I was pansexual, I have realized I might actually be homosexual, or I am just in a period where I am only into females. However, my sexuality is my business only, and I like females right now. I had shown her an image of what society would call “androgynous female”. I said that was what I wanted.  She did not answer, and all the thrill of acceptance flew away with the awkward silence she gave me. Because somehow, no matter what I do, me being truly, completely, unapologetically myself was not something that could ever be welcomed. It was a source of shame to love a woman. Oddly enough, in this conservative society, hitting one is not viewed as a big of a problem. But if you are a female, loving another female, you are the sinner of the sinners, dirtiest of all. Something that could not be cleaned, or forgiven. That was gross. Me being happy was gross for someone who was supposed to want only the best for me.

This kind of oppression is usually dismissed and unnoticed. You cannot discuss what you are looking for in a partner with your parents like everybody else does. You cannot tell jokes in family gatherings about your relationships. You cannot introduce yourself with your real name, and real pronouns to people when you meet them if you are transgender. A part of the human experiences is taken away from you. You do not get to experience life like others do. Why? Why is it such heartbreak for my mother that I like females? That I do not identify as something socially constructed based on my reproductive organs. Why have I considered a failure for just being myself? Why do my parents ask questions like “where did we do wrong?”, “what went wrong during the upbringing?”. Because I am some consequence of a mistake. My existence was a mistake. You might not get psychologically and physically abused on a daily basis for being queer in my family, but you always keep these little things with you wherever you go. Being an uncompleted person that was not supposed to turn out that way.

However, fellas, I am trying to be myself as unapologetically as possible, I hold my head high no matter how terrible things go through my mind. I hide some emotions when exposing them might put me under danger, but I try to be as open and honest as I can without getting hurt. We have to take precautions, unfortunately. Our safety is important. This world can label me as “weird”, “queer”, “abnormal”, even a “mistake”. But you know what? We are weird, we are queer, we will own every single label, and wear them like crowns. If I am a mistake, I am the most beautiful mistake that my parents could ever make. I deserve a decent life, and I will do everything to get it. I will love myself with all my heart and gather people around me who are capable of loving me. We will not be defined by those labels. We will define those labels.

anonymous asked:

Hi. I'm Genderfluid. Am I allowed to say I'm trans? Or, I just honestly don't know. I'm not feeling very valid at the moment. My sex is female and I presented femininely most of last week. Demigirl and Agender for the most part. And I don't know. I don't always bind when I'm a guy because it hurts. I just. I'll feel like a guy, but think I look better in shorter shorts. And I don't even know. I can't stand low cut shirts when I'm a guy, though. Help.

Im just going to cut to the chase becuase i really dont need your life story. If you identify as a different gender than the one you were born with you can call yourself trans.

19 квітня – свято читача… етикеток. Не книг, не наукової фантастики, а саме етикеток ™©®

Що-що, а етикетки читаємо майже щодня 🙂 Тому якщо хтось із бундючним виглядом запитає, що останнє ви читали, завжди можна відповісти жартома: “Етикетки!” 😄

☝ До того ж читання етикеток може бути досить захопливим, якщо натрапити на кумедні “ляпи” або нетиповий технічний опис, часто такі трапляються на одязі.

✏ Свято читача етикеток поділилося 19 квітнем ще з такими незвичайними святами: Днем зубної феї, Днем велосипеда, Днем підсніжника, Днем мандрівної усмішки, Днем екстремального сексу і навіть Днем ховання в шафу светра з оленями. Тож якщо ви ще цього не зробили – светр з оленями тобто не сховали, а не зайнялись екстремальним сексом, – то  сьогодні чудовий день це виправити.

anonymous asked:

Are y’all ok w bi wlw who identify w butch/femme? I’m a butchy tomcat

Butch and femme are terms for lesbians. Doe, tomcat, and stag are for bi women.

I’m not butch, so I may not be the best person to explain this, but you can’t just be “sort of butch” or “partially butch”. It’s an identity with a lot of history and is much, much more than just how you dress. You can’t be a butchy tomcat because thats not how those labels work, you either fall under the butch label or you don’t. I guess saying “butchy tomcat” is kinda like saying futch, except youre also adding in a term for bi women which is…just doesn’t work. A lesbian could definitely explain this better, so if anyone wants to add on, they can.

These labels, whether you’re talking about butch/ femme or doe/tomcat/stag, are more than just how you dress. They’re identities with a lot of meaning and significance. They aren’t just aesthetics that you can turn on and off.

I don’t think you can be partially any of these, or a mix of two or whatever. You fall under a label or you don’t. And it’s perfectly okay to not fall under any of the labels. Not all lesbians are butch or femme and not all bi women are does, tomcats, or stags. And that’s perfectly okay!

I know these terms for bi women aren’t super well known, but help spread the word and content that people create. It’s great that we have our own terms to Express our own experiences and we need to do our part of getting them out there! These labels describe bi women much, much better than butch or femme ever could! Let lesbians have their identities and let bi women have theirs! 💞

I’m tagging this in case someone can explain this better than I can. Please keep all commentary polite! 💕

I’ve been reading a lot of “queer is/isn’t a slur” discourse lately and I was just wondering.

Does anyone else just really hate the term queer?

Like if it’s not a slur, is a slur I don’t care, I just really dislike it.

People love it’s ~fluidity~ or whatever but that just reminds me of all the people who told me when I came out ‘sexuality is fluid, it could be phase’ yadda yadda.

I like concrete words, I like words that mean things.

And on top of that, I don’t like it because I first read it in an Enid Blyton book and it was used to describe something strange and I don’t want people to think same sex attraction= strange, abnormal, weird.

And yeah, I also grew up in the 2000’s where I heard in high school 'gay’ being used as a daily insult. It was horrible. But for some reason I still really love the word gay.

I like the word lesbian better for myself now but as a transition to being able to get out more than one syllable when you’re frightened, it was a good crutch and I see it as a kind of faithful friend.

Queer reminds me of the people who used to say 'I don’t like labels!’ which to me just felt arrogant and a slap in the face to anyone who had to come out.

People who love queer seem heavily invested in the fashion and music and being an outlaw and a rebel who defies societies norms and are oh so cool.

If someone comes up to me and says 'I’m queer’ then I just think, well do you have the possibility of liking me or not?

If a word is too inclusive it just becomes meaningless.

There are still arguments about who can use the queer and who can’t.

Can straight asexual people use queer? Can non binary people use queer? Etc etc etc

And yeah l know the slogan 'we’re here, we’re queer get used to it’.

I think they just used queer because it rhymes.

anonymous asked:

Would you agree with critics who label Ophelia a Woman in the Refrigerator?

I can certainly see where they’re coming from, though I’ve never actually heard or read a critic use that term in relation to Ophelia; maybe it’s because of the glaring anachronism. Still, if a Woman in the Refrigerator is a trope where a female character exists solely to move the male protagonist’s narrative forward, then I think Ophelia doesn’t quite fit the model.

For one thing, Ophelia has relationships with people other than Hamlet. She’s a daughter and a sister, and her little banter with Laertes shows her a spirited and loving character even aside from what they say about Hamlet. She’s a trigger for Laertes’ actions too, but most of all she is a character in herself. Ophelia’s madness is a good example of the fact that however she’s treated she has her own reactions to the events of the play: her madness is caused by the double fact that her lover kills her father and highlights the fact that it’s her own divided sense of loyalty that breaks her. As small as her part is, there’s a pretty fleshed out sense of her relations and the kinds of things that matter to her in her life. 

The key thing here is that she’s not characterised solely in relation to the male protagonist and can’t be reduced to that pawn, even as others in the play attempt to turn her into one, and even as she becomes complicit in her own exploitation by obeying her father and the king. It’s quite notable that the other characters’ attempts to use her precisely as a way of getting at Hamlet (in the nunnery scene) fails completely because Hamlet refuses to engage with her in that way. I’d even go as far as to say that in making Hamlet refuse to take Ophelia as the bait prepared for him (unlike Amleth in the sources) Shakespeare includes a kind of implicit critique of the kind of female character who’s used as a means to an end.

Another important thing about Ophelia’s madness is that it’s never witnessed by Hamlet. This is a moment that exists for Ophelia rather than for the furtherance of the hero’s own concerns. Ophelia’s madness reveals a host of issues about herself, including the repressions she experiences in the court of Elsinore. In other words, Ophelia has her own independent literary significance in what she can bring to light about Shakespeare’s Denmark, and what a corrupt society can do to the simple innocence of a girl whose (romantic and familial) love is caught up in bigger political issues.

Finally, I think it’s worth considering the possibility that Ophelia’s death actually has no effect on the narrative or the hero’s self-progression. If you believe that Hamlet’s ‘This is I, / Hamlet the Dane’ (5.1.246-47) marks the moment that he come into his identity as his father’s son then it’s possible that Ophelia’s death causes a big change in Hamlet, but it’s not entirely clear that anything Hamlet does thereafter has a direct correlation to Ophelia (unlike, say, a hero who’s driven to revenge because someone killed his girlfriend and put her in a refrigerator). I’m not saying that Hamlet isn’t grieved by Ophelia’s death, but he appears in Act 5 in his philosophical mood, with a sense of the futility of human action in the face of inevitable death and is only temporarily taken by his emotions by Ophelia’s grave. In his own words, Hamlet says, ‘I am very sorry, good Horatio, / That to Laertes I forgot myself’ (5.2.75-76; folio only). This suggests that his terrible graveside manners are the effect of temporary self-forgetting rather than a moment of self-creation or the maturation he required to become a hero. Hamlet’s motivations for taking on the duel and killing the king finally have no reference to Ophelia or to King Hamlet. It seems as if Hamlet is trying to be killed accidentally according to some ‘divinity that shapes our ends’ (5.2.10), rather than out of his own (heroic) volition. 

Basically, as useful as tropes may be for exploring certain themes, Shakespeare’s plays and characters seldom are reducible to particular labels without simplification and therefore a loss of the things that make them thought-provoking and evocative. If Ophelia is a Woman in the Refrigerator it’s because others, not Shakespeare, have stuffed her into that mould (or refrigerator), not allowing her to be the character she is. 

ugh…

not that i need labels but..

i get people telling me i can’t really be goth cuz my skin tone, that i dont wear enough make up, that i wear too much color…

why do they get to make the definitions?

to me its more about the mindset… finding beauty in the weird and dark and macabre, having the dark sense of humor, enjoying a stroll through a graveyard…

i’m not big on make up, never have probably never will at this point, so why would i adopt it just because i’m embracing my more gothy side?

also - the wardrobe is kind of a process. and i’m not a huge fan of having to have everything be black or white only. like - it can have some color and still fit the aesthetic (lace!??) specially considering the different inspiration sources one can pull from and still be goth by most standards (trad vs pastel vs romantic vs vamp). i’ll think about buying another black blouse and think “well, i’ve already got one like that…”

alternative seems to be the term everyone can agree on - its a bit more flexible, all encompassing to the variety in my closet, embraces my punk leaning plaid and color (all of which tends to be darker tones btw, nothing neon or pastel). but still feel like goth is the better fit. just not stereotypical, in a neat little box.

anonymous asked:

my partner came out as agender aro/ace, i'm really happy for them because identity is confusing! however we are both a little confused if we can still call ourselves lesbians

Words for orientations involving nonbinary people are, at this time in history, not as developed or widely agreed upon as those involving people who have binary genders.

Orientations tend to be named and categorized in a way that involves one’s own gender identity. For example, “lesbian” indicates not only that one is attracted to women, but also that one identifies as a woman.

I think that the word “lesbian” wouldn’t adequately describe neither your nor your partner’s orientation, but you can still choose to call yourself that after exploring other options. Let’s do it together!

Starting with this one

As you can see when nonbinary people are involved you can still use the word lesbian, but it is usually necessary that both people involved are at least partially identifying as women. So if you would keep calling yourself or your partner “a lesbian” that would mean that you still them as partially a woman.

Some labels that you can consider(either both or one of you):

Also, some blogs where you can maybe get a better answer:

https://genderless-gibberish.tumblr.com/

https://bigendering.tumblr.com/

https://non-aligned-sapphic.tumblr.com/

https://ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity.tumblr.com/FrequentlyAskedQuestions

-mod Fiora

“Fancy Labels”

So, I just wanted to bring up something that I, personally, have never seen addressed in the queer community, and that’s niche labels and the shame that sometimes comes with using them. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and am realizing things about myself and my sexuality that I didn’t know before. Just a few months ago, I was identifying only as pansexual, as I had been for years prior. And now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m… demipansexual aromanic??? And that’s… I mean, it’s kind of a mouthful, yeah?

Now, I do wanna say that my point with this post isn’t to invalidate other people’s labels or sexualities. If somebody else has a long, descriptive label like that, it’s not my place to tell them that it’s “too much”, because I recognize why they’re useful. I’ve experienced how they give a sense of community and groundedness and allow you to see that other people have had the same experiences as you. It’s nice to have a label because it make the strange feelings you’ve struggled with your whole life feel real and valid. It’s reassuring to know that you’re not alone, and I recognize that. But, there is that connotation of “uwu special snowflake I identify as a chair and I use xyzey/xyzem pronouns”. Which, of course, are insensitive and inaccurate jokes used by people who don’t know what they’re talking about, but the connotation IS there, especially outside of Tumblr. Like, yeah, I guess I do identify as demipansexual aromantic, but I don’t go around telling people that, you know? I usually stick to “queer”, or “pan”, or sometimes just “bi” if I really don’t feel like explaining things to people.

I don’t really know exactly what my point is with this post. I guess I’m just saying that if you ever feel like your labels feel a little bit “special snowflake”, even if they feel right to you, and if you’re ashamed of using those labels in public or around people you know irl- it’s okay, and you’re not the only one who feels that way. Sometimes labels that are generally considered normal on Tumblr just aren’t viewed that way in the real world. And if using more general or mainstream labels makes things easier for you, then that’s perfectly fine, and it doesn’t make you any less of what you know you are.

anonymous asked:

I think deep down I might be nonbinary. But I've grown to dislike labels. I never properly said outloud I identify as a lesbian, but people assume or label me when all I've said is 'I like girls'. I dont correct them because I think myself as Q (questioning/queer)The only thing I'm certain of - I'm not straight. In my early twenties + questioning sexuality + gender for like three years?(and possibly more before I understood things)I'm just scared. Also of being wrong cos of the backlash Ill get.

Anon its okay to not use a label, i didnt for a while! I just disnt feel like it a d didnt really want one. You can be wrong, its okay. People who will get mad at you are obnoxious a d not worth your time.

I don’t think allistics realize that gender is literally a social construct,,

They’re so obsessed with the Western gender binary and they always argue over “you can’t possibly prefer this arbitrary label to that one because YOU HAVEN’T TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF OVER IT YET” calm tf down man it’s not real…male and female are only a thing biologically. If we hadn’t chosen those words to sort people into meaningless categories nothing would have changed with the actual people. It’s impossible to “feel like a girl” or “feel like a boy” because those aren’t real things. It’s just whichever label makes you feel more comfortable, even if you have to invent a new one. No need to get so upset over it,, just let people be people

Whenever people say “I don’t like labels” I gotta pause and wonder what they are really saying.

Are they saying that they don’t like to label themself or other people? Cool, I don’t like labeling other people either and if they don’t want to label themself that is just fine.

But when I explain to you a word I like to use to make sense of my experiences and your response is “I don’t like labels”, then regardless of what you mean to say, it often sounds to me like “I don’t like your labels.” It sounds dismissive.