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You, to Ethan: You are the most famous turtle in the world now. And what do you call a famous turtle?

Ethan: Don’t.

You: *looking him straight in the eyes* A shellebrity.

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[In the kitchen]

You: *struggling to retrieve items from the top shelf*

Dolan: Do you need me to get it for you?


Dolan: *laughs*…okay then.

[Second later]

You: *defeated sigh* help meeeee.


Ethan & Grayson being Boss Ass Bitches in their video: Doing it for the First Time. Tag yourself I’m confused Ethan.

Bryant: *side-eyeing Ethan* (speaking in spanish) So (Y/n), what am I supposed to do with this Tabasco stuff?

You: (in Spanish)It’s spicy, put it on anything, it’s really good. Why are you glaring at Ethan like that?

Bryant: (in Spanish) I’m pretending to talk shit about him. Is it good on eggs?

You: (in Spanish) Oh, fantastic! I’m going to glare at Gray and pretend to talk shit. Yes, it’s great on eggs.

Bryant and you: *scowling at Ethan and Grayson*

Ethan: The fuck is going on over there.

Grayson: I don’t know but I don’t like it.

Bryant: (in Spanish) This is the most fun I’ve had since 2016.

You: *high-fives Bryant*

Ethan: I fucked up. I fucked up!

You: Why? What happened?

Ethan: I’m falling for someone.

You: Damn. Must be a pretty special person to make the emotionless Ethan Grant Dolan fall in love.

Ethan: *looks at you* Yeah, real special.

so SEXY huuuuuh

Dolan: *doing something stupid*

You: I bet the dumbass is gonna get himself hurt.

Dolan: *gets hurt*

You: * inhales* Fucking knew it… *takes first aid kit* coming!

You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That’s the sound my brain makes all the time.
—  Ethan Dolan, probably
Incorrect quote #5

Ethan: “Have you ever wondered why stars aren’t star-shaped?”

Y/N: “It’s 3 am, go to sleep!”

Ethan: “Why are celebs even called stars?”

Y/N: “Sleep!”

Ethan: “Why are stars even presented as yellow?”

Y/N: *sits up, rubbing her temples*

Ethan: “I know! It’s so confusing!”

Y/N: *grabs a pillow and leaves the room*

Ethan: *follows after* “And why are they so pointy?!”

[After watching 4 of the Harry Potter movies with Ethan, Grayson and James]

Grayson: Hermione and Victor belong together!!

Ethan: Nah man…She belongs with Draco!! Dramione for ever!!

James: You’re sister wrong… Draco and Harry are in love.

Ethan: You say that because you’re upset there’s no gay representation in the movies…

Grayson: True…and if it’s not in the movie it’s not real. Like “dramione”.

James: *offended* *looks at Ethan*

Ethan: *triggered* *looks at James*

[A few minutes later]

You: *entering the room*

Ethan,Grayson and James: *still arguing*

James: *notices you* (Y/n)!!! Tell these two that Harry and Draco are end game.

Ethan: I bet a hundred that Hermione ends up with Draco!

Grayson: Are you kidding? Why would she end up with him when she has Victor?

You: …I have bad news for all three of you …

You, after learning the boys are part Italian: Do you think they think in Italian or American?

Bryant: Bold of you to assume they think.

Waiter: What would you like to have?

Grayson: Bring a milkshake with two straws.

You: *blushing*

[A few minutes later]

Grayson: *puts both straws in his mouth* Look how fast I can drink-

You: Shane Dawson’s conspiracy theory videos are my life!

Ethan: Who?

You: Oh! Not again…

Ethan: Are you cheating on me?

You: Ethan, stop…

Ethan: No! GO talk to Shane!

You: Oh my God…

  • Grayson, to Ethan: Uh, actually, someone reported they couldn't find your head. But we found it, it was up your ass.

James: Theres no denying that Grayson’s the better twin when it comes to the clothes. Sorry…

Ethan: *offended* I- *gets up to leave*


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