i often get told that i am mean to men or that i can be offputting but i think that people don’t realize why that is.
as the ugly friend, and for a long time the ugly sober friend, i am used to being treated the way men actually feel, instead of being treated the way they treat someone they want to fuck. i get told honestly that my body language is mean, that i am ugly, i get ignored or pushed or whatever. i have had drinks poured on me, i have been told i can’t come into bars, called fat, whatever works.
men go out of their way to express that they aren’t attracted to me; to the point where i will out myself with emphasis on my attraction to women to get the conversation out of the way, or i will barter with them and then cockblock with a wink; why anybody thinks i would legitimately help them hook up with my friends i don’t know, but the desperation that morphs into buying us both drinks even though we won’t be leaving with them is a power trip I can’t even name.
it’s fucked up, i know. but who can afford therapy on a graduate student stipend? not me.