Dear Lord Human Shrek Hefner, Duke of Bayview, ( @dacrekaydmont )
First, I’d like to say that we were right: this nickname is way too long. Writing it down takes forever. That’s probably why I don’t use it as much as I use the short version, aka ‘Lord Dacre’.
Now that this comment has been made… Happy birthday! I wish I could make jokes about your age but I can’t so, instead, I’m going to offer you a peaceful day. I won’t call you Shrek today, I won’t make too much fun of the things you say and I won’t giggle if your words sound dirty. Or at least, I’m going to try. I can’t make any promise because, well, you know me now, you know I can’t resist when it comes to tease you. And if I’m being honest, I love bugging you. I’m aware that I might be annoying sometimes but I like the fact that, somehow, we always end up laughing. It is so easy to have a great time with you and so easy to be me. So thank you, for letting me be myself and letting me whisper Shrek’s lines. Thank you for feeding me, too. In other words, don’t be surprised if I end up writing a tweet saying “Dacre Montgomery could wake me up at 6 to annoy me and I would still be in fond of him”. I might join your Twitter fans club soon.
Anyway, here I am, being talkative and bubbly once more. Let’s go back to your birthday. I hope you are going to have a wonderful time because you deserve it, especially since you’ve been tortured for almost a week. So in order to make this day even better, here’s some presents! One of the first things we’ve talked about was Queer Eye and Antoni’s recipes. I’m still waiting for Netflix to create a season with special guests so I could watch you and Bobby create some magic together. In the meantime, I guess you can cook and practice for the future episodes! The travel mug looks quite simple but if you look closer, you’ll see that the words come from Shrek’s script. Sorry not sorry, I had to include Shrek in this. Isn’t it a great merch though? Now you can go work on various projects (and rock it) with your coffee and learn the lines during breaks. Please, learn them by heart so you could join me next time we watch Shrek and I start telling the lines before Donkey does. I guess I don’t need to explain the muffins? Your love for chocolate needs to be satisfied and it was fun to be the one who bakes for once. As for the robe… if you want to be a good Hugh Hefner, you need a silk one. Pretty sure mine would be too small to fit you so now, you have your own. No need to say that it has to be your outfit for our next movie night.
Alright, I’m gonna shut up now. Happy birthday again, my Lord!
- (your) Kit-Katie.
PS: the top definition on Urban Dictionary for November 22 is ‘best day in the world where the best person was born’ and I thought you’d like to know. Might be the truth. Might.
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