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Beauty is in the eye on the beholder, to all the girls that aren't a size zero, you're the beautiful one, it's society whose ugly.




The true trick to surviving is... A fridge full of ice cream, a subscription & solid group of friends... love my chums & couldnt get by without them 😘







Love was in the air for our 'first dates' last night! Thanks to everybody involved,




🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 asked Haitian-Japanese tennis star, on a date to the premiere of Creed 2 as a birthday gift after she admits to crushing on him ☺️




Oh gott, der eine von ist auf Twitter und hat meinen tweet über ihn gesehen..










Hola muchachada de . Hoy como no hay programa...,me voy de pintas..A vuestra salud 🍻







Tuurlijk, wijs deze leukerd maar af want de mannen staan voor je in de rij, toch?













6 maanden zwwanger en dat zie je niet? Je dacht zeker wauw grote tieten ....mannen


















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@Regran_ed from @rueb_nyc - This lady makes me want to take up opera. What a rich voice! Join us for happy hour and opera on the lower east side. #nycmusic #nycopera #love #datenight #nycdateideas #fridaynight #saturdaynight #happyhour #firstdates #nycfirstdates @metopera - #regrann (at New York, New York)
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Royalties! 👑
Cuffing Season is HERE!
Don’t worry & have NO FEAR! I just posted my 10 Tips on How To Get A Man #CuffingSeason on my YouTube Channel make sure to click the link in my Bio & Let me know some Tips that works for you!🙌🏽📺
#howto #how #howifeel #love #lovequotes #loveyourself #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #cuffingseasonishere #cuffinseason #fall #boyfriend #girlfriend #firstdates #tips #youtuber #youtube #memes #comedy #skit #gay #lgbt (at Youtube)
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The South African

Her name was Cat. I got a very low-key vibe off her from the beginning of our messages, and I didn’t think it would go any further than some mild messaging. I executed the all-or-nothing gambit to wrap things up one way or the other and to my surprise she agreed to met up. So we met up. She wasn’t my usual type. She was petite and slender, not particularly curvy or meaty. But she was very pretty. I couldn’t tell if she was depressed or just ultra-cynical about life. I sort of decided it was the latter and that it was attractive. She was like the bride from Corpse Bride, although significantly more racked with existential despair and significantly less undead.

We established quite quickly that cynicism and brutal, politically incorrect jokes would be the backbone of our relationship. We had fun playing up British and South African stereotypes.

Cat: Do not be alarmed

Cat: …

Cat: OK

Cat: Are you ready for it?

Cat: It’s raining in your country.

Jim: Lies

Jim: You take that vile slander back

Jim: It’s racially tense in your country

Jim: So there


(Side note: I believe it was technically libel, rather than slander, as it was written not spoken).


It became obvious quite quickly she was generally pretty stressed with life - she was just starting out in Oxford at a new job (it was working remotely for an honest-to-God diamond mine) and was also doing a masters in economics at the same time. So she was incredibly busy, and incredibly stressed keeping those 2 plates spinning. It meant our dates were a little sporadic, sometimes had to be cancelled due to her work/masters commitments, and when we did actually meet up she tended to bring her stress in with her. I suspect she just felt guilty taking time away from the vast mountain of tasks she needed to be doing to just stay afloat. From my perspective it was clear she had taken on too much to be happy, although it might have been possible to actually get through it all in the end, if you were willing to sacrifice everything else in your life.

Still, we got on surprisingly well, far better than I thought we would from our initial messages on Tinder. I enjoyed her company, and found her easy to talk to. She complained once that everyone was so politically correct here she couldn’t relax with other people. I liked this about her, I knew that no joke I could think of would be too horrible to voice. In fact, I went deeper into non-PC humour than ever before in a quest to see if anything would be too much. I don’t think it was, to her, although to anyone else some of those jokes would make their toenails curl. Looking back on some of my gags, they do make me wince a little now, now that I’m not wrapped up in our mutually normalised micro-environment of amoral, consequence-free humour.


Jim: Do you get Dairy Milk chocolate in South Africa?

Cat: Yeah but different flavours like “hazelnut and residual effects of imperialism” and “orange with a touch of ongoing social tension as a function of the neocolonial enterprise”

Jim: They’ve really re-branded well. No other flavours like that on the market.

Cat: Actually chocolate…cocoa….Africa

Jim: What?

Cat: I think we gave you chocolate…

Jim: You gave us HIV. They aren’t the same

Cat: LOL can’t even come back from that


Eesh. Moving swiftly on.

We met up in the evening for our 3rd date, about a month after our first date. I was planning on taking things up a gear on this date, as per the usual formula of “kiss on 3rd date”. But she was just so bummed out with work and masters stress that I just felt it would have been wildly inappropriate, a total mis-judging of the situation. So I held fire.

On our 4th date, at around 6 weeks after the first one, I asked her back to mine from the bar. She’d mentioned she loved retro gaming, and I’d recently got original Doom for the Playstation, so this was the perfect reason to ask her back to mine. I wasn’t sure what my plan was. Maybe if things got cosy try to get that kiss and take things to the next level. Doom was pretty fun, but perhaps didn’t set quite the right mood (viewing low-resolution textures of tortured and/or demonic flesh is probably among the least erotic activities possible). Or, conceivably, the mood would have never been right. Again, a kiss just didn’t seem appropriate. She never seemed particularly “present” on our dates, although she instigated messaging as often as I did with her, so I figured she must be enjoying my company or she wouldn’t bother meeting me and messaging me. Maybe all this time she was just baffled why I wouldn’t kiss her. Maybe she only kept the conversation going out of guilt. I don’t know. So she departed this date without me trying anything on. I hugged her goodbye, closed the door, sat back on the sofa, sipped the dregs of my gin and absent-mindedly regarded the howling Baron of Hell that had dispatched us both. At this point I think the friendzone was looming pretty hard. It didn’t feel like any of my other dates had. She was an unusual girl, for sure, but it didn’t feel like our relationship was on the right track, even accounting for that. I felt like I spent too much of my time with her trying to alleviate her stress rather than having fun together. So, time to make a decision. I flipped the glass up to chew the lime, and then tossed it in the bin. The Baron strode around indifferently on his platform, occasionally pausing to hurl green fire.

I later ended up sending her message.

Jim: So basically, I like your chat, I think you’re gorgeous, would like to see more of you. But I feel that’s not really on the cards until you finish your exams in 6 weeks. Which is fine, completely, of course. But I think I’m going to assume I’m not going to see you again unless you message me and tell me otherwise at some point. But I’d be pleased to hear from you if you did.

Cat: Well, defos down to hang but realistically incredibly limited in my time until that critical date which is just an unfortunate reality :/

Jim: I know. I don’t blame you or anything.

Cat: It’s just a kakky situation right

Jim: I’d like to hang too, but I don’t want to if you are just going to be stressed and guilty because you feel like you ought to be working.

Jim: I’d like to be your fun, worry-free escape from time time but I don’t know if you work like that

Cat: No, completely up for it - just trying to figure out a rhythm to balance course work and all other commitments. Hopefully this week will be more stable if you’re up for a drink?

Jim: Sounds good to me. 

Jim: And if it turns out seeing me is becoming a burden or adding to stress then just say and it’s no biggie :)

Cat: Hmm, maybe Wednesday?

Jim: Sure, Wednesday works.



She later cancelled that. I never saw or heard from her again. I guess the conclusion for this one is that there simply wasn’t room for me in her life, despite her best intentions. Ultimately work and education is going to take precedence over romantic flings if there really isn’t enough space for all 3. I believe something had to go for her to keep functioning, and in the end it was me.

INFJs Date Like

First date: INFJ reschedules.

Second First Date: INFJ shows up and hour early due to nerves, then leaves before date arrives and tries to reschedule or totally cancels.

Third First Date: INFJ cancels and is never heard from again.

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LA BODA DEL AÑO
#FIRSTDATES #ORGULLOSAS #Pride2018 💊💊💊💉💉💉🌈🌈🌈🌈👽👽👽🚀🚀🚀🐞🐞🌹🌹🌹🌙🌙👹👹👹

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28 y.o. AC installer...Local boys aka 3rd/4th generation in Hawaii and have never left the islands

This is prolly local boy #5 that I have met since last November. Again, very nice guy. Picks you up, pays for dinner, not a pervert (at least not yet?). But just…zero conversation.

My friend recently told me…maybe I have been spoiled having lived in NYC Bc the majority of the people I met had a story of their own. But here….story? What are those? 😓

He works 6:30am - 3pm installing AC. Goes home after that to avoid traffic. If he eats out, it’s genki sushi. He has never tasted uni and doesn’t like to eat food if they don’t look right to him. Doesn’t know how a shoyu bottle works. Orders teriyaki chicken and spicy ahi roll. Doesn’t eat any other raw fish.

Does he drink? Vodka coke maybe. Never had a mojito. Doesn’t like beer. Jameson tastes weird.
Watch movies? Not really
Watch tv? Rarely
Surf? Don’t know how
Swim? Barely
Hike? (I mentioned the two that I went on yesterday - he’s never heard of them yet he grew up here)
Video game? Nope
Church? Nope
Karaoke? Nope
Beach? Don’t really like it
Does he volunteer? Nope
Music? Listen to anything but never heard of Spotify
He liked high school more Bc his friends were all there. His fav class was piano but he failed the tests because he was too lazy to practice.
He didn’t know what it takes to get into Iolani/punahou.

The few questions he’s asked me…
What was it like going to Iolani? I said - what do you mean? What is your impression of Iolani? He answered: rich over ambitious straight As kids
What I like to do on wkeds? I said hike, volunteer, maybe beach.

Dare I even ask about travels?

I asked him the 6 questions abt the house the cube the flowers the ladder the storm and the cat. He was amused. Didn’t ask about mine.

Told him about Myers Briggs…never heard of them but will prolly take it to understand.

Other topics - open relationships, freshmen horror stories, boys and girls club, ways you were brought up, types of friends, prior dates…etc etc From 6pm - 9pm…forced conversation…

I was first person he met online.

Sigh…

update from day after…unmatched on tinder.  guess he felt it too. 

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😂😂 omg this bloke on first dates is hilarious, so lovely too 😊 #channel4 #firstdates #gingerguys #greatdate #london

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The First Date
  • Him: So my friend turned vegetarian whilst I was away, and when I next saw her she was GLOWING; so that's when I gave it a try.
  • Me: (trying to impress him) Yeahh! I tried being vegetarian too!
  • Him: Oh yeah?
  • Me: (stuffing my face with a bacon sandwich) Yeahh...
  • Him: ....
  • Me: But, I just have like, no self control. When it comes to bacon, you know?
  • Him: ....
  • My brain: Oh fuck there goes the second date. And our future children. And our future cats.
  • Him: (silence)
  • My brain: fUckFUcKFuCk
  • Him: That was like the best sentence ever

I’m playing stubborn again. Off to a first date that my friends told me not to go to. Well this person is too persistent. So why not give it a try? Besides, this person makes me feel so wanted it’s hard to say no. If anything goes wrong, I could just bye Felicia his ass. I don’t even like guys but he’s trying to take me “Hiking” so I got baited. Well jokes on him cause I’m gay af. He thought he found his potential gf but I thought I found a brother. Psych I know I’m bout to regret this. Tumblr wish me some luck 🍀

the return of the plumber

I had another plumbing situation at my house, and texted the plumber asking if he could take a look, or if he’d rather I could call the front desk to get the appointment set up. He responded he could take care of it and we exchanged some texts, talked on the phone, and he came by the house and did the job without my presence – I just let him in. I paid him and the business transaction was complete. Keep in mind the last text exchange we had was me sending him a happy holiday one in 2016 without a response, I had assumed he started dating someone.

A few days later, on my date with Farting Gene, I had taken a video of Gene talking with the homeless man in Ballard and posted it to my Instagram story. The Plumber had responded to it saying “I know that guy” and then we started a conversation. He asked me if I was going to the realtor’s Christmas party, and that he was “looking forward to seeing me.”

Originally posted by desingyouruniverse

What? I ignored it. We talked some of what we were up to - I was just at home on a Saturday night decorating for Christmas. I had to get rid of a pair of tickets to Mannheim Steamroller and he immediately started calling around to his friends to see if they could take them off my hands - we switched to texting.

“Man if I can teleport to Seattle right now I’d go to the show” – or something to that extent is what he said – he was in Spokane for the holidays. He then asked me if I wanted to go to the realtor Christmas party together. I felt like I was being asked to the prom buy a guy who ignored me in 5th period algebra all year. So, was I picking that up right? Was the plumber flirting with me? Is he into it? He also made a comment about wanting to be on the Chuck’s Hop shop patio right about now - where our first date was.

I said that could be cool – and we continued to text about our day, sending pictures. He sent me a photo of his arm and I tried testing the waters by flirting back, “oh I was hoping for a face shot.”

“That’ll be extra” he replied.

He later sent a photo of him by a truck, and I said, “looks nice – the truck doesn’t look so bad either.”

Oh, if you haven’t noticed: I suck at flirting. My flirts come out like dad jokes. Who even says flirts like a noun - a dad that’s who. And it sounds like farts. Dad farts, my flirts.

Anyway, we continue to text the next few days. I knew the plumber played the saxophone and appreciated big band instruments so I sent him a photo of a show I wen to see, Jane Lynch’s A Swingin’ Little Christmas. He asked me if I heard of A John Waters Christmas. I love Christmas, so immediately I looked it up. It was playing THAT night, the night we were texting about it. He asked if I wanted to go – I said yes.

I was already looking forward to the plumber’s texts. I hadn’t seen him in over a year but remember him being really cute, and we already knew each other. I ended up canceling my date with CMB Matthew He/She – he may come around though. His response was very mature and understanding.

(SPOILER ALERT - text image 2 weeks after the second first date)

So now that the date is cancelled: time for plans. We met up at the James Moore Theater bar, right next to the Moore. I had gotten a seat at the bar that faced the door, and a tall man came up on the other side and put his hands on the banister and said, “Yeah the other bar is definitely not as good as this one” The plumber was wearing a newsboy cap and a button down shirt – he had grown some facial hair since I saw him last, but I was a bit “star-struck” when I saw him. My first thought was: this isn’t going to work, he’s way too attractive.

Originally posted by fiftyshadesbabyyeahh

He sat next to me and just started chatting away – this wasn’t the same shy awkward guy I went out with a year ago. He would make eye contact and touch my leg, he even made a joke about moving menu suspends to the side like panties. I actually laughed out loud. Crap: this REALLY isn’t going to work, he’s attractive and fun? I better run.

Originally posted by better-off-dead-than-live

He paid for the drinks since I got the tickets and as we were heading to the bathroom he asked if I wanted to race – he was so stinking cute and charming and fun I didn’t know what to do with myself. We went to the Moore to find I got the wrong theater – the show was at the Neptune. The plumber immediately called a Lyft and we went to the new venue.

As I was getting carded by the bouncer, the bouncer turns to the plumber and says, “You better keep her warm – you gotta hold her. This is a date, right?” At first it gave me that awkward pit in my stomach, until the plumber turns to me and says, “Yeah, this is a date right?” then it turned to giddy. He grabbed us some drinks and then the energy turned more into a date.

He would kind of bop his hips with mine and lean closer to me. He would even put his arms around my waist – I was in a good place. After the show, he bought a book and vinyl of John Waters and we started walking west a bit to get out of the crowds, both giving the impression we still wanted to hang out. We stepped into the gas station so he could use the restroom, and he bought a pack of cigarettes. There it is – there’s the other shoe. I knew it!

Originally posted by elleofaquitaine

Cigarettes have always been a deal breaker for me, and I made a comment like “You smoke?” and showed I wasn’t excited about it. He kind of did a sad smile, and put the pack away telling me he doesn’t smoke often, and hasn’t smoked in 5 days. It’s been forever since I had this good of a date, so I suggested we go to Queer Bar where they were having an unofficial John Waters After Party – and my cousin was DJ’ing.

So we took a Lyft to Capitol Hill and he grabbed us some drinks and we sat at the bar. My cousin came by and bought us shots and she got to meet he plumber – he seemed pretty social and friendly, and I could tell he was getting a good buzz. He said he would parkour to the bathroom (because I told him about my knee injury from parkour) and a big gay man came up behind me, “Oh my god did you see what your man just did? I mean if he’s your man – is this a date?” I laughed and said it was a first date (sorta). The gay man said he hoped it goes well and went back to the bar.

When the plumber returned he was growing more affectionate and just planted a kiss on my lips. I was thrown off but enjoyed it. Out of nowhere, that same gay man came back: “yes! I was hoping the date was going well then I saw you guys kiss I’m so happy! Okay bye!” and he was gone.

When I told the plumber I had poor eyesight and it was a flaw to some guys, he smiled at me and cupped my face in his hands. “It’s not a flaw,” he said with a smile and kissed me again. Is this real life? It was pretty sweet.

I could tell he was fidgeting for a smoke and asked if he could. I did my usual I’m not going to stop you, but I’m not excited about it. He thought for a moment, and instead stood up, took my hand and brought me to the dance floor to dance with me. He chose dancing with me, instead of a smoke.

We then walked over to Linda’s for another drink, except this time the bouncer wouldn’t let him in. I think the plumber tried to make a joke that came out in a slur, but the bouncer took it as being over-served. “How many have you had?” and the plumber and I said a few – I may have miscounted. Luckily the plumber didn’t argue and instead we went a couple doors down to R Place.

We had a couple drinks and by then it was midnight; it was time for me to go home. At this point he had had a couple cigarettes here and there, and what caught me off guard is he waited for me to get into a Lyft, but said he’d go back into the bar. Really? Is that weird? I tried not to be judgmental that he was going to drink alone at the bar, but it still raised a flag. He asked me if the smoking was an endgame, and I said, “I hope not.” I wasn’t sure.

He said he had a good time and wants to continue “this” and pointed between the two of us. I had a great first date. The smoking and potential extra drinking did raise a flag to me: did he have a drinking problem? I didn’t know but was going to brush it off for now. When we went into Queer Bar, he asked the bartender if they had a lost & found for him to leave his John Water purchases – oh! I still have his stuff! I put it in my purse so still had his belongings hostage. Smart idea of him I thought, then immediately asked myself: does he do this often? He seems to know the bar scene – and caught myself to wait before permanent judgment.

The next morning at 8am, he called me. I was very groggy but picked up the phone. We chatted for 30 minutes, but it was very natural and organic – just like the first date. He told me he stayed at the bar and saw a drag show – that still caught me off guard with his after date stay. He said “what’s next?” stating he had a lot of fun the night before. I told him I was watching Trevor Noah that evening and asked if he wanted to join. Two nights in a row? Let’s see.

The plumber also said what would have made the night perfect was to go home to a king sized bed alluding to a flirtatious remark. I told him how I always sleep on the same side of the bed, the way an old widow would because she couldn’t imagine dear Henry being replaced. “I’d love to take Henry’s place if that’s okay with you” – it was a really sweet remark that could come off creepy but didn’t. I loved how direct he was, about having a good time with me and not being afraid to hang out again. So we did.

-November 30, 2017

Date #1.5 with Steve the Plumber
Suitors in 2017 YTD: 37
Dates in 2017 YTD: 45

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“If you were to give us a nickname what would you call us”? “Johnna?!” <laughter> “I can’t”. “Yeah it doesn’t flow”. #FirstDates #DontBeDickie

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