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Words are heartless

Dissolved


In time ill fade into your memory, just as was before we met.


It was interesting in the beginning, when you wanted to fully see me. When you were interested in my conversation, and expressions of effection.


Now there’s less eye contact. And the heavyness Of silence.

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We Might Fade But We Won't Be Erased - Chapter 18 - Ness09 - IT (2017) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

“Eddie?”

“Mh-mhm.”

“Will you hold my hand?”

He almost choked on nothing, sure he had misheard, but no, there in the space between them was Richie’s outstretched hand. Eddie’s fingers twitched with want. It wasn’t like he’d never held Richie’s hand before. They dragged each other around a lot, sometimes Richie would just take his if he felt like it, if he needed physical contact and somehow this was different. This was Richie asking, and the asking part was important even if Eddie couldn’t quite understand why.

“Why?”, he finally said, his voice too high and his heart racing.

“I’m scared of the dark.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Will you hold it anyway?”

He took a deep breath and glanced over again, fully expecting Richie to be grinning or having that glint in his eyes, the one that meant he was up to something. He wasn’t.

The hand in the space between them twitched, beckoning him to take it. Eddie hesitated, waiting for Richie to change his mind or drop his mask. He waited so long it was starting to be ridiculous and still, Richie hadn’t taken his request back.

He let go of the wheel, wiped the sweat on his jeans and let it hover over Richie’s. It was just handholding. It was nothing. And yet when Richie touched him, and his fingers fell into place between Eddie’s, his breath hitched.

They didn’t talk after that, and Eddie was grateful because he didn’t think he could form actual words while driving when Richie was drawing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb and his heart was thundering in his chest.

Even much later when Richie had eventually fallen asleep, his head resting against the window, his mouth slightly open and hair hanging in his face, and Eddie’s arm was starting to hurt, he wouldn’t let go. This moment was his to enjoy as long as it lasted. He got to soak it all up and remember it when Richie was being impossible again and the possibility of them being anything other than friends seemed to be nothing more but a fever dream.