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山Pの日記帳… 勿体なくて使えないかなぁ なんて思ってたけど 使わないのも山P寂しいかな って思って、毎日英語で一言日記… 最初の頃は赤ペンだらけ😅 今でも 修正だらけだけどね 緊急入院した日以外は毎日書いた 山P 来年のは?

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मेरे एहसास की खुश्बू से अपना दामन भर लेना वफ़ायें मैं करूँगा जफ़ायें तुम भी कर लेना है मेरी चाहत तुम्हारे पथ सदा फूलों से ही महकें कमी जब भी लगे मेरी मुझे तुम याद कर लेना













Ya empezamos a pensar en compras navideñas y la de este fin de semana será nuestra inspiración para escoger regalitos entre 60 expositores de arte, ilustración y diseño 🌈✍🏼🖼✨ ¿Quién dice yo?













"5⭐ Touching, insightful, funny and full of surprises." Read this story: Eighteen Moons: Before - Diary of a Gay Dad. & 's : Thirteen Moons More.




⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀‹‹ deɑn ⊰'updɑte!¡ 🌻 ⠀⠀﹙ ﹚ ㅡ 가족은 Alec을 회원으로 얻었습니다. 그 날 타는 것은 좋았습니다.






















♡ˎˊ˗ [ 04/12/19 ] everglow_0321 instagram update. ` 돌아온 샤데이! 오늘 같은날은 패딩이 최고얏😘 😛 #🌻



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The dream was just so strange, 2 teeth falling out, checking in the mirror I see that I have teeth like a dog or something on the sides and then my gums were black.. And this was just one part of the dream.

Apologies

August 6. T was talking to our mutual friend E and a foreigner, whom he met on the way, when I was trying to meet him privately to give him a hug as an apology. They were talking about how bad the situation in Hong Kong was, and that they were preparing to escape Hong Kong. I kept silent, and just listened to their never ending talking as I avoided emotional investment. I still didn’t like the idea of leaving Hong Kong, but they were convinced to leave.

They continued their conversation when T, E and I went for dinner. I couldn’t understand how they talked about these things in a normal, easy tone, when they said that they have been anxious about them. I could only eat quietly as I tried to fade out from the conversation, but T noticed that I was uncomfortable, and said that we would leave earlier, leaving behind E.

I went with T, and I hugged him with my arms on his. I wanted to embrace him, to tell him I was sorry about what I did and said on August 5. However, he wanted to say sorry for what just happened. We hugged, and let go, we held hands for the first time, and we walked in silence. His eyes were red as he held in his vulnerability and urge to cry, he looked lovely in a pitiable way. I hugged him again.

Oh god! You hurt another person again didn’t you. Stilt you’re wrists now. Maybe your throat. You don’t deserve to be alive. All you do is hurt everything you touch. Die.

December 9, 2019 11:14pm

So today was kind of a mess. Well more than kind of. Firstly I couldn’t focus to save my life on my school work. I also woke up with a fuckin headache. So you know that was fan fuckin tastic. I didn’t anything today until dinner. Which is normal for me but today it ended up hitting me super hard and I ended up puking after I had dinner. I made plans to see my BF tomorrow but I told him I wasnt feemjng well so now idk if we’re gonna hang out. Hes so sweet he just wants me to feel better. I had to promise my mom that I’d eat tomorrow and I have to keep that promise. Which I will but on my own terms. Yeah I’ll “eat” but it’ll be something super low calorie. If my mom asks why I didn’t eat the spaghetti I had her save me I’ll just say I wanted to play it safe since I threw up tonight. I should go to bed but rn I’m not ready to. I’m hoping I’ll be at 165 or maybe lower when I weigh tomorrow morning.

I just feel like at this point, EVERYONE is broken… so how am I supposed to find someone who isn’t? Is it inherently bad to be with a “broken” person? I really don’t think anyone is broken beyond repair, they just need to heal

And there’s the problem: I can’t MAKE someone heal. No matter how much I love and help them, if they’re set on their ways, there’s no helping them. I guess that’s the difference I have to try and determine

Because 🖤 sounds eerily similar to me… like we have a LOT of the same insecurities and feelings, but I view them optimistically and they’re more pessimistic. But if they’re anything like me, that means that they’re not beyond help, because I’ve already improved so much over the past few months, but that’s because I WANTED to, and it wasn’t always easy. Maybe I can push them in the right direction too

Welcome 🖤 it’s always great to see new faces around here after such a long time

You’re a strange conundrum. I haven’t talked to you for very long but you’re very funny and good at keeping the convo going and you sometimes just text me to say you miss me which is really endearing. You say that I’ve brought you out of your cold calculating shell which you didn’t expect and im glad to see I still have that affect on people haha

You say that you’re too broken to be loved, that you’re too intense and too overwhelming for anyone to handle, but that’s how people view me too. I’ve never dated anyone that’s matched my enthusiasm and I’ve often lamented how troublesome it is how I can’t seem to find anyone who experiences emotions the same way I do. But from the way you describe yourself.. it kinda seems like you do

You admit to being good at manipulation though, and you have some sort of personality disorder, so I’m wary. Like they say, never trust someone who relates that hard to all the edgy boy characters.. but also those are all the characters I’m (in theory) attracted to. You see the issue?

It’s hard to make a judgement call when I haven’t experienced you at your core. You might just be self sabotaging and you’re not nearly as bad as you think you are, but also I’ve been burned twice before being optimistic about people’s true natures

My desire to fix people and bring them some sort of light in their life should be a good thing, but I feel like it’s something I should stop doing because all it does is get me hurt… but how is that something I’m supposed to stop?

Anyway… I doubt you’d ever like me that way but also it’s so hard to tell with you.. we talk about a lot of intimate things and we’re very soft with each other but at the same time you said something about “probably never” getting to a point of wanting to legitimately kiss each other.(it made sense in the context of the convo dw) But maybe you were just being emo or covering your ass so you didn’t freak me out.. I have no way of knowing

It’s a very delicate situation and it’s probably one I’m going to sabotage either way whether I want to or not… but.. it certainly is a situation

I guess stay tuned?

Has anyone out here actually accomplished their dream? Singing, acting, writing a book. And if you did where you terrible when you first started?

Been talking to my dad about how much I hate my job. I do think he understands and cares but no matter what I say, he won’t let me quit until I find something new. I know he’s right but he just doesn’t understand my pain. He even told me “You’re still trying to enjoy life”. Like what is that supposed to mean? Are you saying I should stop enjoying life? What’s the point in living if I’m not happy? You may be experienced, but you give really lousy advice sometimes. No matter what parents will never understand their children. They don’t know what I experience everyday. They just make assumptions. They think I’m exaggerating. Well the jokes on them. I’m never getting married, I’m never having children. I’ll never make a lot of money. And I’ll probably live at home for the rest of my life. And when that happens, it’ll be too late for them to start caring and actually consider my feelings. When you realize you raised a fuck up, maybe then you’ll realize to have paid better attention to me and actual try to listen what I’ve been telling you.

você é o que eu mais quis na vida e, mesmo depois de “ter”, continuo querendo. porque não te conheço. dormimos na mesma cama e não te conheço. dividimos alguns sonhos, que talvez fossem mais meus do que seus, e não te conheço. você é como um muro de concreto que eu tento penetrar arranhando com as unhas. eu sempre saio machucada. você construiu essa fortaleza bizarra e as vezes você me deixa entrar, as vezes você permite que eu espie pela fresta. e quando isso acontece é como se tudo o que passei pra chegar aqui tivesse valido a pena. você tem esse dom de me fazer sentir merecedora do seu mistério. e é como se valesse a pena, mas não vale. eu até acredito que você tem medo que eu acabe fugindo mas não posso dizer que sei do que você sentiria falta. eu acho que você gosta de ser idolatrada, posta no altar dos meus sentimentos e à quem eu dedico toda a minha atenção. eu também gosto. gosto de te manter assim. estar com você é como perseguir o inalcançável e de repente, por um brevíssimo momento, perceber que ele se tornou alcançável. e querer prender isso entre os dedos mas acabar deixando escapar.

terça [10/12/19] 01:24

I’ve shrunk inside myself so much I don’t even think there’s anything left except an echo that says ‘yes’ to everyone else

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Felt good today. Went to the gym & got more organizational stuff and other safe foods at the dollar store; worked out; ate my salad & green smoothie; studied for finals; painted my nails; and finally put up my little Christmas tree 🎄

Day 15

I talked to my doctor today and he told me to start with a second pill in the afternoon, it didn’t make much of a difference today but I’m confident it will