My first “big girl post.” But, I made a vow to keep it real on here so enjoy. Have you ever felt not valued by friends?
Don’t forget to leave a comment.
In 2018 my intention to “communicate” was to openly talk about my feelings if I was upset about something or had to get something off my chest. At the time I found it easier to brush my feelings under a rug until I built up so much anger that I would eventually cut them off completely or go ghost. I’ve always felt embarrassed communicating how I feel and that it would be dismissed or they would be upset with me or it would hurt their feelings. Along the way I realized I was making more progress in the communication department in dating and not at all in the communication department with my friends.
I have to remind myself everyday how important communication is and how it showcases maturity, depth and confidence. Yet, I can’t bring myself to be as open as I crave to be when the opportunity arises. I’ve found myself being surrounded by people I once considered close friends of mine who have made me feel so small because of things they have selfishly done or said and don’t even realize. The last few months of 2018 I really started putting into perspective how often I make excuses for “friends” who show me by their actions that they don’t value me at all.
At the same time I realize that I am not the most open person when it comes to communicating my feelings. It’s hard for people to know where anyone stands at all when we are not at all transparent about how little things they would do here and there and blatant acts of disrespect affect our mental health (and view of them) negatively.
Yet, these people had no idea that I was overextending myself for them and that my resentment towards them was building at a rapid pace and I couldn’t wait to be set free from whatever friendship we had. I could not wait to release their negative energy and it made me excited to let them go. Most of these people never cared enough to see what was going on in my personal life, because they were always too busy talking about theirs. When I cut them off I was “mean,” but really I had just had enough. I was completely disinterested in exerting my energy into these people any longer. My self worth has been hanging on by a thread. I felt as if I had to be aggressive to get my point across and I’m really not sorry for it, because I finally did it for me. We’re building healthy, two-way street relationships in 2019 or none at all.