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OOC: I just got g noted in my college chorale class and I wanna cry

Salut Tumblr,


Dans la nuit j’ai reçu un sms de Arielle me disant qu’elle avait passé un week-end difficile. J’aurai aimé directement l’appeler pour lui dire des mots réconfortant mais me voilà toujours coincé dans un corps sans voie. Alors on a parler un bon moment par sms jusqu’à se qu’elle s’endorme d’épuisement.


Je n’ai pas trouver le sommeil facilement. Ma petite tête cogitait énormément. J’ai penser à plein de chose dans un premier temps à Arielle et son mal-être. Durant le week-end elle a reçu pas mal de réflexions de sa famille sur sa maigreur et sa la beaucoup blesser. Elle m’a expliqué que la solution à son problème c’était pas seulement de manger et de prendre du poids mais plutôt d’exister. J’avais parfois du mal à la conprenne cela semble très confus dans sa tête. Mais je sais se que ça fait de pas être bien dans sa peau et de ne plus avoir goût à vivre et à surmonter les réflections des autres.

Elle m’a confié qu’elle a fait plusieur crises vomitives durant le week-end et honnêtement je sais pas quoi faire pour qu’elle arrête de se faire du mal comme ça. « S’il suffisait qu’elle mange … » me suis-je répété en boucle. Peut être qu’en ne prêtant pas attention à ses problèmes de nourriture je trouverai une solution pour l’aider ? Je veux dire trouver la partie cache de ice berg. Je suis déterminé à tout essayer pour l’aider et je serai l’amie sur qui elle pourra compter. Du coup on sais prévu une virée shopping pour mercredi j’ai vraiment trop hâte de la retrouver 💜💜.

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La deuxième chose qui me trotte dans la tête c’est ma mère. Malgré le fait que je refuse de la voir une partie de moi aimerai passer du temps avec elle, si seulement je ne la savais pas si destructrice. J’aurai aimer avoir une maman avec qui je partage une relation fusionnel qu’elle sois mon amie et ma confidente. A défaut nous nous sommes toujours supporter et disputer depuis que papa est partie.

Papa, voilà bien longtemps que je n’ai pas prononcé ce mots. Rien qu’à vouloir le dire j’ai ma gorge qui se contracte comme si j’étouffai. J’aurai aimer avoir un signe de lui à mon anniversaire, mais rien, papa n’est jamais là. Papa ne veux même plus de moi de toute façon. Voilà 10 ans que papa et parti sans aucun signe de vie me laissant là dans une vie semblable à un ouragan inlassable. Il suffirait pourtant pas de beaucoup un simple : je t’aime ou je suis fier de toi m’aurais comblé. Mais rien, papa préféré sa vie ailleurs.

C’est dans cet ouragan que je vais te dire bonne nuit Tumblr. J’aurai encore tant à dire mais je vais en garder pour les autres jours. À demain.

My master’s programme scared the fuck out of me.

It’s incredibly full of work extra classes and some of the content seems pretty complicated. After reading about it I just thought about quiting and go do something else, but now I’m like self talking: you go on and do the thing. Stop being a baby - is just one year and then you gonna be an intern.

So I look at my past purchases of the last month and it’s all breakfast/lunch for when I go to work (everyday) and I’m just getting so pissed off at myself??

I need to buy breakfast because I have to wake up early and drive an hour to work, and I’m usually the last to get lunch so, no breakfast and I suffer.

And I buy my own lunch since I live too far from home to cook, and I have no kitchen to actually meal prep.

So I don’t have more alternatives, I just have to buy the cheapest food I can.

Chipotle has begun to rip me off, saying a side of rice and beans counts as a veggie rather than a 2 pointer because I asked for extra rice. Bullshit, I’ve been eating pure rice bowls for 2$ since I was a manager at chip.

My meals range from $1-8 each, 5 days a week multiplied by 2.

About $50-80 per week of food.

I feel like I’m wasting money, I feel like a fatass, I feel like I am pathetic and deserve to be punished for spending money on stupid despicable things such as a $3 breakfast at taco bell.

Am I worthless? Isnt this just capitalism?

Am I a waste?

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#cardib th3 college inspiration. #college #motivation (at California State University, Dominguez Hills)
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adulting 101 - my first year in college and living on my own

 It’s been over a year since finishing school and I have to say – life has changed a lot since then; I moved out to live alone in a city I have never been to before I applied for college, I study and I got a job taking me back home on every weekend to clean hotel rooms and take care of the needs of others, doing what people told me and what I had to, to make a living. I did an internship while juggling work and college as well as my private life. I met new people, found friends I believe to keep close even if things change again and I might drop out or pursue something else. I quit that same job because I was fed up with it and travelling back and forth. I felt as if I was two people in a single body, ripping myself apart for … no real reason other than expecting from myself to get going and be an adult, now that I moved out. 
Living alone has been tough in the beginning, especially before making new friends who were close by and I could meet up. Not living in a dorm or sharing a flat with others was crazy. But I got to do my own shit, yes, I don’t have anybody to share my chores with. I don’t have someone to come home to everyday. And I was depressed for some time to have made that decision willingly. 
I thought about changing my major - a lot, especially during the first semester. And I was scared to get too close to all those people, because I didn’t want to bond too well, so they wouldn’t influence my decision on continuing or dropping out. 
My internship was tough – 37 hours a week during my time in college, going home, doing my reading and working through lectures had me on 5 hours of sleep a night. I didn’t go out for a single get together at the weekends for over 8 weeks, because on weekends I had to work at my regular job to pay my bills. 
But not just life around me changed – I did, too. And I believe for the better. I’m still shy, I’m still scared about the future, but at the same time I became more self-confident, in the way I talk and speak and go about my day. I still hate calling people on the phone or walking around alone to get stuff done, but I’m working on it and I feel as if I have never been more free than moving somewhere nobody knew me. 

What I’m trying to say is. I was so overwhelmed with being an adult out of a sudden and having to work and study and coordinate my life with everything around it, scheduling appointments and doing chores – it was as if someone had hit me in the face. I was no longer playing grown up like I did every once in a while, in a way I was on my own. And I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve grown so much in the past year because I had to and I found myself being stronger and more durable than I thought to be. It made me realize my strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes I still have to call my mom or my dad and ask for advice, but I learn with it. I also realized I have to take care of myself, because nobody else will tell me to calm down or take a moment for myself anymore. I have to prioritize by myself and for myself - what I want and what I need. This past year, I somehow think I became my own best friend and began to really like myself and that in itself is the biggest success I could have gotten out of it all. 

Simple ideas for students to save the planet and money at the same time!

  • Bring a reusable water bottle with you everywhere you go; you can refill it at campus water fountains for free and now some coffee chains will refill them at no charge too! (My local cost does - so check with yours).
  • Give growing your own fruits / vegetables / herbs a try! Obviously it depends on the space you have available but even the smallest of rooms can house a windowsill herb garden. There’s not much investment to get started and you can find loads of free tutorials online if you are unsure how to begin. If you can’t grow your own opt for unpackaged options in store, it often works out cheaper because you only have to buy the quantity you need.
  • Walk or cycle as much as possible, you’ll feel so much better for the fresh air and even when the weather isn’t great it can be liberating to get out. Why pay for the gym when exercising is free?
  • Turn off your appliances at the wall when you’re not using them. Not only is it wasteful to leave things turned on when they’re not needed, it’s also adding to your electric bill. The only thing I keep on at all times is my WiFi router, everything else only gets turned on if I want to use it.
  • Stop ordering outfits off those cheap clothing sites that you only wear once!! It’s expensive and wasteful. Instead scope out your local charity shops for some beautiful and cheap pieces. (Bonus points if you use public transport to get there!)
  • Similarly to the previous point stop buying books brand new. This goes for textbooks and those you buy for pleasure. Get yourself a local library card so you can borrow books for free, you can usually request titles they don’t have too! If there’s not a library you can get to locally buy your books secondhand in charity shops. Once you’ve read them you can simply donate them again to continue the cycle of reusing.
  • Batch cook! There’s absolutely no need to be throwing food away, you’re literally throwing your money in the bin. Make meals that you can portion out and freeze, then reheat later. If you’re stuck for ideas google is your best friend, there are hundreds of recipe sites and batch meal ideas to suit any budget.
  • Bring your own bags to the supermarket. In this day and age there is no reason for you to be paying 5p for a plastic bag. Tote bags are a cheap one time purchase and you can get them in designs to match any taste so it’s a win-win!
  • No more notebooks. You do not need twelve half finished notebooks so stop purchasing new ones. I’m guilty of this too but start finishing the ones you already have and when you do need a new one make sure it’s made from recycled paper.
  • Switch from disposable. There are so many products that we use once and then simply throw away - what a waste of resources and money! So far my number one swap has been to reusable kitchen paper, the original roll was a little bit of an investment at the start but now I never have to buy kitchen paper again. If you have periods consider trying a menstrual cup or period pants. See if you can make one switch to reusable in each room in your home. 

I hope these ideas were helpful, I’ll keep adding more as I think of them and feel free to let me know if you have any! 

This post was inspired by @brbimstudying post on ‘lil way students can save the planet’ which you can find here so make sure to check it out!

As some of you might remember, I work part-time at a local grocery store 👩🏻‍🌾…and pumpkin is already everywhere 🤯🤯. Even though grad school starts back up for me one exactly one week, I’m doing what I can to hold onto all those summer vibes 🤗👅🍓. Or, more accurately, the non-snow vibes considering last winter in Minnesota 😅. Are you ready for fall or still savoring summer? Tell me in the comments! ✨ Picture featuring a creamy zucchini and banana smoothie bowl topped with berries, @enjoylifefoods trail mix, @sunbutter, chia seeds and homemade granola 😍✨ via Instagram https://ift.tt/2P4lgaK