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Make sure to include Sunday 1/27/19 while building your Schedule! Lots of great activities for everyone. @FCTIL No Sub needed on Sunday saves your budget!

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Fleet and Cio

@sandyscrapwitchart ocs, they cute


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Why not cry it out?

Firstly, let me be clear–when I say the cry it out method is inhumane, I don’t mean to disparage anyone who has tried it or anyone who has had success with it. I figure whatever works for you and whatever you can handle is your business, and not mine.

The only reason I use such a strong word to describe CIO is because I’ve tried it with Madelyn. Twice. Both times, her cries made me feel like my soul was being ripped from my body. She screamed, and wailed, and shouted for over 45 minutes with no indication of tiring. When I could no longer handle it, I found that she was shaking and shuddering with absolute terror, covered in vomit.

In my eyes, doing that to someone so young and helpless is inhumane. Your baby may be able to handle it better than mine. I just refuse to repeat that scenario again with her.

I studied psychology when I went to college between 2008-2012. At the time, child development psychologists were all about balance. You want to show your baby you’re there for them, but you also don’t want them to be so attached that they can’t function without you. It was this latter notion that got me to try CIO. It’s a good thought, but I realize now that maybe it’s intended for babies in the 1 year+ range.

I also studied learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is basically where someone realizes that they are forever trapped in a bad situation with no hope of help, so they learn to just lay there and accept it (Google search, “Martin Seligman learned helplessness” if you truly want to ruin your day–the research is heartbreaking). I believe this is what happens to babies who are left to cry it out. After a few days, they don’t learn to self soothe, but instead learn to just lay in the darkness. They’re still missing out on those hours of sleep, but they don’t tell you about it, because you’re no longer a reliable source of comfort.

For my 6 month old, it just doesn’t work to not be there for her when she’s crying in the night. She wakes up alone in a flat bed and thinks, “This isn’t my safe place,” so she cries for my attention. I’m personally exhausted, but my tiredness is nothing to her worry in that moment. She needs me, and I am there for her.

Does this mean I am raising a baby too dependent on me? No. There’s no such thing as a 6 month old who is too reliant on a mother’s affection. I do not need to withhold my love to make her a highly functioning member of society. In fact, I would argue that the amount of care and kindness I show her will turn her into a well-rounded, self-actualized woman. What I personally need to adjust is how my love for her is expressed. Right now, she only falls asleep on me in our rocking chair. She wakes up fearful in the night, because she’s been placed in her crib when she’s deeply asleep and has no idea what happened. I need to gently teach her that her bed is where she falls asleep. Not teach her that her bed is the place where she screams until she is hoarse and unable to call out anymore.

That’s why I reject CIO.

(My family dog Myah ended up passing away from old age in her sleep yesterday and I ended up deciding to draw a pic in her remembrance. This is a picture of Cio guiding her to the afterlife where one of my cats named Sasha is waiting for her on the other side, so now whenever I feel like I’m going to cry over her I’ll just look at this picture and smile cause I’ll remind myself that she’s in good hands….)

R.I.P: (Myah) August ?? 2000 - August 28 2018

Cio belongs to me