Honestly, so tired of fan service films. I want story content damn it.
30 Days no Passive Entertainment Day 16 of 30
There’s a really dangerous time when kicking any addiction and it’s not at the bottom. Hitting rock bottom is the turn. You’re at your worst and that flame will kick on or off guiding your path from there out. It can be extremely triumphant and be the first break of independence where you can see the spot of happiness through the despair. It’s the moment right after that when you think you’re in control.
It’s incredible how like this experiment has been to my quitting smoking. There are withdrawals, fear of missing out, regular daily habits that needed to be broken and replaced. But now I’m hitting this familiar place where it’s not so bad.
I’ve kind of got a routine down now keeping my days very full and productive. I’m not feeling like I’m missing out as much. There was a trailer for the final season of Punisher on Netflix that’s making it rough. But I’m spending more time at the gym, having much more focused conversations and getting a lot of choirs at home accomplished. The benefits have been tremendous but that’s where the reasoning started to creep in.
Last night the roomie really just needed a chill night. Watch a movie and do nothing. My first thought was I’m doing so well. Haven’t cheated at all I’m sure I can reward myself with one decent movie for the night. That same feeling of confidence and feeling in control is why I failed so many times at quitting smoking. I’m not good at dabbling. Much more of a cheat day type of guy vs a cheat meal.
In my original line of thinking I was going to allow myself to watch movies at the end of the day and only if I had enough time to watch one in it’s entirety. After a few days in I felt like this was a cheat and would only sabotage my intentions so I nixed it.
I held strong and decided to stay the course. She was extremely supportive and has been of my whole journey. Selfishly I’m sure she just enjoys not coming home to explosions and laser blasts.
My quality of life continues to improve. I’m a little fatter for having the extra time to cook nice big meals and enjoying the extra sit down meals out with friends. But I’m spending more time in the gym making muscles! They will be here soon. I’m not so worried now about completing my goals but what life will look like after day 30. I don’t want to go back but there’s a nice middle ground I haven’t found yet.