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A heart’s journey [5/10]

Parts ONE TWO THREE FOUR

warnings: forced marriage

words: 1.758

summary: Cameron is a friend

tagslist: @graydolan12 @sweet-dolans (if you want to be included, just message me <3)


FIVE

The next day your anger has all but evaporated, leaving behind nothing but emptiness and resignation at the familiar feeling of having your choice being made for you. You almost don’t dare showing up to breakfast and you’re so late, the Duchess is already gone meaning you at least managed to avoid her. Cameron hasn’t shown up yet, but you’re unsure if you even want to meet her today. You really don’t know how she will react to the news of you being a worthless liar and her younger brother being forced to marry you. It’s not as though the previous engagement to Ethan had had much to do with choice, neither on your side nor on his, but you don’t feel like pointing that out would do any good at this point.

When you enter the room, Ethan and Grayson are sitting at the table, their heads close together as they murmur about something or other. Hearing the opening of the door, both of them look up and you freeze in the doorway, debating whether or not to just turn around and leave. Before you can make your decision, though, Grayson is on his feet. He eyebrows are drawn together and his eyes glower at you with such intensity, you’re almost sure he’s trying to kill you with his stare. The pure hatred radiating off of him as he stalks towards you, has you rooted to the floor unable to flee, even though every instinct in your body is screaming at you to run or he will strangle you with his bare hands.

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Reacting To Our Awkward Phases
In the latest edition of Ant's vlog, we are going to uncover some old gems lying in the depths of cyber space... AKA Facebook/Instagram/Twitter, in order to ...

Peep my latest vlog! Me and my bestie reacting to us at our absolute worst stages! Its hilarious! Please share!

A heart’s journey [4/10]

Parts ONE TWO and THREE

warnings: forced marriage

words: 3.220

summary: the Duchess knows and plans change

tagslist: @graydolan12 @sweet-dolans (if you want to be included, just message me <3)


FOUR

You don’t see the Duchess for three days after, which in and of itself is strange enough. You’re pretty sure this has to do with the mysterious Mr. Spier, but you dare not ask and just keep accepting the apologies of “she is very busy” and “has a lot on her hands at the moment” for the Duchess’ absence. You’re occupied with preparing for the wedding ceremony, anyway. There are lots of dress-fittings you need to attend and usually a few hours of someone talking you through the ceremony and what is expected of you as the bride. There’s diadems you have to do fittings for until someone decides which one you’re going to wear and maids debate for hours over your hair. It’s a whole discussion which hairdo is the best in regards to your hair-structure and the practicality of covering it with a veil for a not insignificant amount of time, and it still having to look great by the end of it.

On the fourth day a servant knocks at your door just after dinner and tells you to come to the small ballroom, where the Duchess is waiting to talk to you. You don’t think anything of it at first and put the jewellery you only just took off back on, not even waiting for the maid. In fact, you’re in such a hurry that you’re already on ground level when you realize you forgot to put the fur back around your neck, your décolleté on full display. Feeling terribly exposed but not willing to turn back now, you keep going and run into Ethan and Grayson by the entrance to the small ballroom. They’re talking about something, and Grayson is laughing in that loud way of his, where he practically folds in half, his eyes so scrunched up they’re almost closed. Both their heads whip around when they hear your footsteps, and there’s a moment of silence when none of you say anything and you can almost feel their eyes lingering on your form. Your hands twitch, ready to fold over your naked skin and cover yourself up, but you quickly fist them in the fabric of your dress. You’re going to have to get used to this northern style of dressing eventually, and you don’t want anyone to think you’re not even trying. It’s not like they’re leering at you or anything, anyway, they’re just…looking. You’re beginning to understand that the uneasy feeling you get whenever you’re not covered up, is not the wish to hide from their eyes – it’s just a weird fluttering sensation in your stomach, almost like pride but watered down with so much embarrassment and shyness, it’s near untraceable.

“Good evening, Ethan, Grayson”, you greet them evenly and manage to reduce your curtesy-reflex to a simple bow of the head. When you look back up, Ethan has a polite smile pasted on, and Grayson … his eyes shoot back up to your eyes a second too late. There’s no sign of remorse, though, his mouth twitches into a boyish grin and he returns your look boldly, almost like a challenge. If he eyed you inappropriately again right now, he would be able to see the goosebumps spreading over the bare skin of your décolleté. Alright, maybe now it is pure embarrassment.

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filmnapló #80-99

A nyáron valamiért gyakran elmaradtak a bejegyzéseim arról, hogy mit nézek, most pótlom 1-1 mondattal azokat, amik kimaradtak.

#80: Woody Allen: Manhattan

Míg igazán gyönyörű a kezdete és azt hiszem, voltak szimpatikus részei, Allen (a karakter és az alkotó nem elkülönítendő az ő esetében) nagyon idegesítő továbbra is.

#81: John Cameron Mitchell: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Végre egy igaz queer glamrock film, jól szórakoztam rajta, még ha valamiért nem is tetszett mindig (már nem tudom miért 7-re értékeltem), de a rendezőtől eddig a kedvencem, és lelkesítő-felemelő hangulatú.

#82: Michael Mann: Heat 

Másra számítottam, és néhány jelenettől eltekintve dagályosnak éreztem - ezért vágtam újra egy kicsit, illetve pont annyira, hogy lényegretörőbb és csak 2 órás legyen (fókuszt veszít szerintem a sok mellékszereplő sztorijával, a hosszú felvezetéssel, miközben a két főszereplő szubjektumáról kéne szóljon, de hiába, hollywood): https://vimeo.com/273525046

#88: Ocean’s Eight

Egyszer teljesen oké, sajnos az 11 és 12 vibe-ját, vágását, képeit (celluloid, illetve ugye Soderbergh volt az operatőre is) és elmés dialógjait nem tudta hozni, csak mímelni. Semmi baj a csajos rebootokkal, csak ne rebootok lennének - akartam írni, de rájöttem, hogy már a 2001-es Soderbergh-Clooney-Pitt változat is egy remake. Akkor 2010 után ne legyen reboot, vagy valami…

#89: Noah Baumbach: Kicking and Screaming

Az új kedvenc filmem. Gyakorlatilag tökéletes. Baumbachtól ennél csak a Frances Ha tetszett jobban, de talán csak Gerwig miatt. Olyan dumák, olyan karakterek, olyan zenék néha! És csak a film legvégén esett le nekem egy időcsavar, amitől még jobb az egészről a véleményem, és ami miatt újranézem mindenképp. Teljes mértékben ajánlom, és nagy öröm, hogy létezik!

#91: Solo - A Star Wars Story 

Újranézés az öcsémmel, még mindig szerethető epizód, jó, hogy ilyen is van.

#92: David Fincher: Fight Club

Nagy film, de már látszik rajta a kora. Valahogy az volt az érzésem, mint az Amélie-nél, hogy kicsit nyűg újra végignézni, még ha sok év telt is el a legutóbbi alkalom óta. Technikailag, színészileg, stílusban, hangulatban kikezdhetetlenül jó, a kérdés a hitelesség, egy kultfilm, kommersz termék, ami a kapitalizmus és individualizmus ellen lázítana (vagyis az ilyen lázító részek lettek popkulturális beidegződéssé). Közben minden érdekes dolgot, amit Tyler mond, azzal hiteltelenít, hogy őrültként, sőt gonosz énként bélyegzi meg, ami klasszik hollywood, és emiatt kapják be. Ha ez Fincher üzenete lenne, akkor belekötnék, de ő szerintem csak egy jó rendező volt a 90-es években is, nem üzengetett.

#93: Steven Soderbergh: Ocean’s Eleven

Ez (is) a tökéletes film. Remélem, pár év múlva taníthatom (például egy szemeszteren át olyan szerintem tökéletes filmekkel foglalkozva, amiket kommersz voltuk miatt nem szokás kritikailag elismerni, mint pl. A karib-tenger kalózai 1. része).

#94: Xavier Dolan: Laurence Anyways 

Újranézés következő filmem operatőrével, referenciát gyűjtve. Még mindig imádom. Ilyen hamar újranézve és megmutatva valakinek hosszúnak tűnt a 3 óra.

#96: Godard: Bande a part

Újranézés több év után. Ez néhány résztől eltekintve nem áll hozzám közel. Érdekes, hogy ez kultfilmebb lett Godardtól, mint mások.

#97: Alexis Dos Santos: Unmade Beds

Újranézés több év után, szintén a filmünkhöz referenciát gyűjtve. Ez nagyon nagyon közel áll ahhoz, amit szeretnék csinálni, jó a tempója, energiái, témái, színészei, színei, zenéi. Azon kedvenceim egyike, amit alig ismer valaki.

#98: Godard: Vivre sa vie

Ezt gyakorlatilag repeaten tudnám nézni, annyira megszerettem. Szintén a filmünk miatt mutattam meg az operatőr úrnak. 

Érdekes, hogy Godard amilyen hímsovinisztának tűnik néha, annyira érti is közben minimum Anna Karinát (itt és az Une femme…-ben főleg), de talán a nőt, mint fogalmat is.

#99: Spielberg-Lucas: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Ez orvosság a léleknek. Ezer éve nem láttam az első részt, semmire nem emlékeztem belőle, valahogy a harmadikat láttam a legtöbbször (szintén nem sokszor sajnos).

Harrison Ford bármit csinálhatna tőlem, de szerencsére itt épp fiatalon, egy jó könyvből, egy profi szórakoztatófilmes író-rendező-producer csapattal dolgozott.

Pancake. (g.d.) 🥞🥓

in which (Y/N), Grayson, and baby GiGi have breakfast. What’s for breakfast in the Dolan household? Pancake.

Pairing: Grayson DolanxReader

Warnings: FLUFFFFFFFF

much love to @boujeebailey for being the baddest biddie and for reading this and assuring me that my writing isn’t trash. also thanks so much to @rockstardolan for this concept idea.

love you both! 🤧💘

UNEDITED

(photos aren’t mine)

(pictured: Yara Shahidi)

***

“Mama!” 

Grayson smacked my arm from next to me with his eyes still closed. “She wants you.” He grunted, quickly falling back asleep. 

I stretched my tired body, wriggling out of my husband’s grasp and walking into our daughter’s Lion King themed bedroom. “Mama, mama!” she whined, standing up in her crib with her hands wrapped around the white railing. 

“Good morning, pretty girl!” I cooed to her, scooping her up in my arms and cradling her to me and kissing her chubby cheeks. 

“Hi, mama.” she grinned happily.

“Hi, baby.” I kissed her forehead. “How are you today?”

“Good.” she mumbled, resting her head on my shoulder. “Wanna see Daddy.” 

“You wanna see Daddy?” she nodded against me as we walked back into my room. “Well, Daddy’s sleeping.”

“Daddy need get up.” 

I shushed her, setting her down on Grayson and I’s bed and laying back down. “You have to be quiet, G. You don’t wanna wake Daddy, do you?”

She gigged into her hand, “Yuh-huh, Mama. I wake Daddy.” She crawled across our bed over to Grayson’s sleeping figure and laid on his back while he rested on his stomach. “Daddy.” 

“What?” he grumbled without a stir.

“Get up, I wanna play.”

“Just play with Mama.”

She sat up. “Nooooooo, Daddy. Wanna play wit’ you.”

He groaned and pushed himself up, turning over with a dramatic thud. “C’mere.” He opened his arms to her and she laid her head on his bare chest. He picked her up and laid her back down on him. 

“Mama.” GiGi mumbled with heavy eyes. “Eat.”

“You ready to eat, baby?” I pushed her curly mane from her face. “What do you wanna eat?”

“Pancake.”

Grayson snickered. “That’s my girl.”

“Honey, we had pancake yesterday. You don’t want anything different today?”

“No, Mama.” she yawned. “I eat pancake.”

“Daddy, what do you think? Pancakes?” I looked to my husband. 

“Pancakes sound like a great idea. Let’s see– GiGi, chocolate chip or blueberry pancakes?”

“Burbelly.” 

He laughed then nodded. “Alright then, cookie. We’ll have “burbelly” pancakes, with bacon.”

“Okay! I gotta go potty.” she said to her dad. “Potty, Daddy, potty!”

He hopped out of bed, holding her at arms’ length and walking quickly to the bathroom. “C’mon, cookie, let’s go potty.”

“Gray,” I called into the restroom, “I’m gonna go downstairs and start breakfast. Can you wash her up?”

“Got it!”

**

“Where’s Mama?” She asked from Grayson’s grip on her ankles as he held her upside down. 

“She’s making your pancake.” The two children (one of them being my husband) entered the kitchen and immediately interrupted my few moments of silence.

It was fun while it lasted, right?

“Mama!” GiGi exclaimed as Grayson put her in her highchair. “I eat pancake now.”

I made she and Grayson’s plates, making sure to cut up her pancake in small bits so she could eat it. I set Grayson’s plate in front of him and I sat close to her highchair. “You want syrup, cookie?”

“Yes, Mama.”

I put a sea of maple syrup over her pancakes, coating as much of the pancake as I possibly could; because, as Grayson’s daughter, she’s weird

And as part of this weirdness, she won’t eat pancakes without syrup but will eat waffles dry.

I got her Dora fork and scooped up some bits of pancake on it and put it to her mouth. “Here you go, cookie.”

She ate her pancake and hummed. “Mmmmmm. It’s yummy, Mama.”

“Baby,” Grayson mumbled with a full mouth. “what do you have planned today?”

“Nothin’. What about you?” 

“Nothin’. Do you wanna take her out to p-l-a-y in the p-o-o-l?”

I chuckled as I continued to feed GiGi her pancake. “Yeah we can do that.”

“Mama,” GiGi patted my arm that rested on her highchair. “want juice “peas”, Mama.”

I elbowed Gray, making him choke a bit on his coffee. “Your turn.” I looked at him sweetly. 

“Nuh-uh! I had potty duty!” He retorted defensively. 

“And I made all of us breakfast.”

“Well, I–” I shot him a look and he paused, scooting his chair back and going to the refrigerator, taking out the apple juice and filled GiGi’s slippy cup. He set it down in front of her. “Here you go, sweetie.”

“Tanks, Daddy.”

why do people feel the need to literally analyze every tweet, snapchat, instagram picture and try to find a deeper meaning to them than there actually is. like can’t friends all just be staying in a sick sweet together having a good time? can’t two friends sit next to each other on a amusement park ride and not be dating? can’t three friends go on a fun road trip to a lake for the 4th of july?? i mean if it were me and my friends i would be having the time of my life, but would random people in public assume that i’m dating one of them because we’re walking next to each other or taking a picture together?? because i’m a regular person who wants to do those things with my friends???? i think sometimes people forget that they’re regular people, the only thing that sets them apart from us is that they have millions of fans, which, yes, is a big difference but does not make them any more regular than we are!! idk this is a lot longer than i thought it was going to be, but what is the point of picking through every picture or video they post with a fucking fine tooth comb to try and find something juicy or controversial or whatever the fuck will stir up the fandom. okay i’m done but let’s stop acting like scientists and try to analyze every detail of their lives and let them live whether people are dating or not.



thank you please come again