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anonymous asked:

sorry i am an old TM and do not know things why is riverdale so bad/uncool

Oof this is a loaded question so I’ll try and keep it concise

• all the characters are gritty and hyper-sexualised which is BAD cause they are teenagers like Betty a 16 year old does a strip tease and poll dances for a gang filled with mostly grown men

• the characters of colour are treated like sHIT and at one point the white characters Betty goes into her dominatrix alter ego (don’t worry we’ll get into it) and nearly boils a black character alive as she pushes his head under the water with her heel so she can get a confession out of him

• the straightwashed jughead and made us suffer through b*ghead instead

• Betty becomes a cam girl after she watches some of the cam stuff her (fake) brother did

• jughead becomes a gang member

• Archie leads a vigilante group and said group causes a riot after a wrongful accused member of a gang is released for the murder of a girl that was killed by the bad guy of the season

• a lot of teenagers die and it’s bad

• the dialogue is AWFUL ESPECIALLY when they try and be woke

• I haven’t touched the new season but there is probably wAY more to add to this list

riverdale rant because it’s a saturday morning and yes i have the time!

okay so i just want to start off by saying that i’m so mad that riverdale wasn’t made into a mature sitcom or at least a dramedy because anyone who’s ever watched an episode of glee will tell you that glee was equally as ridiculous as riverdale in dialogue and storylines, but (for the most part, mostly in the earlier seasons) got away with it because it was a comedy and didn’t take itself so seriously. like…riverdale actually expects us to take “there was a mass seizure at school” seriously as if that isn’t the funniest shit i’ve ever heard in my life.

next, can we talk about how this show has absolutely no consistency whatsoever?? KJKDKSSK like to be fair, i haven’t watched anything since season one except for choni, reggie/veronica, and josie/reggie scenes on youtube and the episode where they went back in time or whatever, but like from what i’ve gathered JUST from what i’ve seen people making fun of on twitter they’re just making shit up as they go likeLWJSKSJ?? you can’t even blame the fact that it’s a teen drama because most teen dramas put the most effort into their characters and their character’s interpersonal relationships because that, for the most part, is what keeps people coming back. one tree hill, the vampire diaries, glee, etc, even well after they’d gone to shit people were still coming back because they were invested in a particular character or relationship not necessarily because they cared about the storylines or anything else really. riverdale just??? doesn’t seem to care about their characters or their relationships like….at all. 90% of their characters are just plot devices and the few times when we do get so see a little tiny bit about them…they just completely shut the door and pretend it never happened like then why did you start the storyline why….why did this happen?????

and like maybe i could understand the lack of focus on creating decent characters if the main storyline/mystery shit was actually interesting or good like…ever (it still wouldn’t be an excuse, but at least i’d get it). like you can’t have underdeveloped characters AND an underdeveloped storyline…you have to pick a struggleslsjsjs. sometimes i want to blame the shitty dialogue and underdeveloped characters on the fact that they’re focusing on the main mystery, but the main mystery is ALWAYS boring as shit and/or makes absolutely NO sense. from the one (1) episode and twitter clips i’ve seen this season all i know is that everyone in town is playing a game that the parents discovered back in the 80s or whatever and it like possess them or some shit and betty’s in cheryl’s conversion camp with ethel and archie’s in jail and the cheerleaders perform outside of it for no reason because that makes sense and there’s a gargoyle king that betty and ethel want to fuck or something LIKE??? I KNOW ITS JUST BITS AND PIECES AND MAYBE IN CONTEXT IT MAKES MORE SENSE (i bet it doesn’t) BUT LIKE STILL??? THERE’S NEVER A TIME WHERE ANY OF THOSE THINGS SHOULD BE HAPPENINJSJSKSJS

i feel like riverdale would’ve been a much better teen drama had it been similar to the oc, gossip girl, one tree hill, dawson’s creek where it’s literally just about teens being teens who live in a place and have romance issues and family issues and school issues and social issues and shit because this was NOT it

god how do people even watch r*verdale and not cringe to death it deadass looks like it’s being written by 10 year olds and the acting doesn’t help much either 💀

Whenever I hear anything about literally any plot point in Riverdale, I just wanna scream “WHO ASKED FOR THIS??”

Seriously, when they first heard ‘tv adaption of Archie,” was this what jumped into anyone’s head?

riverdale’s argument about having too many characters to give screentime to all of them is absolute bullshit because elite’s principle cast is 11 people and not once during that whole time that I watched that show did I think that one of the characters felt underused or was lacking screentime. they all had equal contributions to the plot and riverdale will never be able to relate !


Friendly reminder that this is apparently a real scene that aired on televsion courtesy of R*verdale. Enjoy the cringe. 


Painfully Sober Anti Riverdale Review {3x05}

This was an unplanned review, @initiumseries in all her chaotic evilness just decided to let netflix keep playing Riverdale and I just kept recording. So this is the second review of the Zal Birthday Review Marathon. We are particularly anti-Jughead here.

This has probably been pointed out a lot, but I just saw the dumbass kissing scene between Veronica and Betty again and how absolutely done and annoyed Cheryl looked and yeah! Totally understandable, because she is an actually closeted, forcefully hidden by her witch mother queer girl and there in front of her are two straight girls, making out because it is ‘shocking’, 'taboo’ and 'sexy’, like wow…

Bitchface relatable af


Painfully Sober Anti-Riverdale Review [3x04]

Hi guys! I know this is long overdue but this is the first in three reviews @initiumseries​ and I did for my Birthday Binge except we’re both painfully sober until the third review. I got a few asks requesting 3x04 so that’s what we did! I hope you guys still enjoy it :)

riverdale 3x07 (pt 1- Archie and Jughead)

Since the episode was divided into 3 parts (they literally did this in the last season so it wasn’t like a fun new way of storytelling btw) so are my thoughts:

  • “Something about this place weirds me out”

Uh, yeah obviously Jughead. There’s a little girl with a gun ready to shoot you and Archie without any reason. Of course it weirds you out, and it’s not that hard to figure out.

  • Archie trusts the two girls after almost everyone he’s trusted in the entire run of the show as betrayed him. Are we really supposed to believe that he is stupid enough to trust what’s going on here? What is up with the writers and not giving him any actual character traits.

  • “I’m going to take some pictures”

Jughead could’ve just said he was exploring the town. They never really mentioned that he’s interested in photography before, is this just because Cole Sprouse plays him because if so, fuck this show.

Also, if there was a town near by, why didn’t they try and look for a b&b instead of crashing at a creepy farm?

  • That old lady starting out of nowhere with a “the town wasn’t always like this” and followed by the entire story of the town

You know that scene in Suicide Squad where all the characters suddenly spill all of their secrets because the writers were too lazy to write some actual plot that would slowly reveal their pasts? Yeah.

  • Is people shaving other people an actual thing? Because that’s extremely fucking weird

  • Again. Archie is supposedly strong and kind of smart, but he spills everything to this girl just because he feels bad about not wanting to kiss her anymore. Where are his survival skills, and how the fuCK does he trust anyone he was literally just fighting in like a fighter ring thing in a prison and was also just stabbed by his friend.

  • Where is his stab wound??? How is he able to lift ‘bales of hay’ when he was stabbed like a couple of days ago what the actual fuCk riverdale writers.
Riverdale - 3x07 (pt 2 - Veronica)

This one is way longer than the Archie and Jughead one which is saying something because I didn’t think it would get worse. 

  • “That’s on my list of woes yes”


  • How does Veronica do her ‘research’? Every other episode has her saying that she’s done her research but they never actually show her talking to contacts or asking any questions to anyone whatsoever. She just somehow knows everything, even when she lives in a dinER.

  • She sucks at negotiating. She’s supposed to be a badass businesswomen or whatever, but she changed her percentage with Elia so fast, at least try and make this believable. You can’t tell me that she’s capable of running a business and then show me this shit.

  • Hiram

Every time Hiram talks to her, Veronica tells him why she’s mad at him. But he keeps coming back and acting like he didn’t do anything wrong, which doesn’t do anything to the plot at all.

  • Why hasn’t Veronica realised that Betty is gone?

Has school stopped for a while suddenly, because I’m pretty sure Veronica would realise that Betty is gone. And if you expect me to believe that they’re high schoolers, Veronica should at least be wondering why Betty isn’t responding to her texts or something.

  • Does Veronica just carry the deed for Pop’s around with her? She was wearing a dress was it in her bRa riverdale wyD?

  • “Doesn’t the house always win?”

This is one of those lines that ends up on edits and shit to show how ‘badass’ she is and like it’s an okay line I guess, but she said it 3 times in the entire episode! WhY.

  • “Reginald”

  • “Deep deep down maybe my dad’s not so bad’

Hiram framed Archie for murder, tortured him, burnt him, and was about to get him murdered, and this is just the stuff related to Archie. He also got countless people killed, and she knOws about this. Veronica literally moved out of the house just because she hates her family and she still believes this?

Just because Hiram saved Veronica from making a stupid mistake does not mean that she or the audience are supposed to sympathise with Hiram now. 

(side note: I can’t really tell who the audience is supposed to side with, because if we side with Veronica that means we’re supposed to start liking Hiram, and if not, then are we supposed to believe that Veronica is gonna turn dark too? I don’t know what the writers are trying to tell us and I’m pretty sure that the writers don’t really know either)

Man IS Riverdale bad.

The logic of it all. A teen- Veronica- knows how she likes her alcohol, running an illegal casino, oh and suddenly Daddy is a-ok after giving her some advice. Then all these illegal activities going on around town….

Hell, at least it’s watchable at the moment ( Why am I still though?)  and Lili Reinhart acts the hell out of the crappy material she is given.  

And who gets paid to write this drivel? This really has some of the worst writing I’ve EVER seen in any TV show. It’s the shows biggest flaw which is a shame because it has a talented cast that is by large very wasted.  The Midnight Club episode was a lot of fun- why can’t the show be more like that?