1 year ago today, I was terribly depressed. I was hurting, afraid, & in a very difficult and unfair relationship.
Since then I have been through more bullshit than you can imagine.
The last month has been scary. Lots of ugly crying. Lots of wanting to hide. Lots of guilt & shame over things I shouldn’t feel bad about.
All that, & it is still one of the happiest times of my life. I laugh until I cry. I have friends that push me not to hide, & when I can’t help it, they hide with me. I have a lightness about me that everyone points out. A lightness I haven’t felt in almost 3 years.
Some days are still so hard. Some days I wake up & want to sleep until I forget what scares me. But I get out of bed anyway. I pick myself up & get to class/work. I ask my friend to hold me & I know that she loves me. I am so so loved, & none of the men who have tried to tell me different will win.
A year ago today, I was driving across the country. Leaving one nightmare & headed straight for another.
Today I was notified I won an award & scolarship for Service & Peace. I have busted my ass to get where I am now. I have tried to give up so many times. But dammit, I’m still here.