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is coming. That means giving = . -autistic…

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Is it an autistic thing (or even ADHD) to get hyper-attached on toys you see / touch?
Like I saw a cute stuffed toy and I picked it up but had no money on me (and it wasn’t priced :c) but I cant stop thinking about it and I want to go back to the store to buy it.
I’ve also nearly cried in the past because I had to put a toy back. It felt like a part of me was torn out because I wasn’t allowed this toy I had just seen and picked up x’D
I’ve always had this problem where I get super attached to toys.

Tips for making “eye contact”

So I have autism and I struggle with eye contact, which is pretty common. Here are a couple things I do that could be good tips:

  • There are a couple places you can look to APPEAR like you’re making eye contact without actually making eye contact. The primary spots I’ve found are the forehead (just above the eyebrows) and the spot between their eyebrows
  • You do not need to make eye contact throughout the entire discussion. In fact, some people find it uncomfortable–even without autism. You are allowed to take breaks by looking around the room for a few seconds. No one will bother you for this. 
  • Fidgeting a little bit during a discussion is also common. Every so often, you can take a break from eye contact by adjusting a piece of your clothing and looking down at it while you do it. This could be tugging your sleeve a little, smoothing out the wrinkles on your shirt, checking your shoes, etc. 

And, of course, you don’t NEED to make eye contact just because it’s more “socially acceptable.” These are just things I’ve come up with, since I need to make eye contact quite often. 

I’m bingeing The Good Doctor and I love it.

all Shaun’s behavior and response to various scenarios are very similar to what I’ve faced. I was verbally abused by classmates at one of my schools because I’m autistic. I had to deal with the death of many pets, including a rabbit. My parents are thankfully better people than Shaun’s. I have a habit of leaving things in random places and going into a panic because I can’t find them.

yesterday I was at a party and somebody was talking to me about a friend who she thought was weird because he didn’t get social cues because he didn’t know when to leave. The irony was that I was at a party with mostly people a didn’t even know the name of because I was to awkward to say no to a mistaken invite and the person trowing the party was to awkward to admit to me that it was a mistaken invite. The moral of the story is that none of us are socially equipped apparently.   

Hey so uh thought I should say this

But uh autistic girls exist ya know? I mean it’s much more common among guys but they exist??? So like we shouldn’t leave them out of the conversation???

People with autism are perfectly capable of empathy, it’s just that as a part of the inherent bad social skills, we have a hard time expressing it, or picking up on when people are asking for it.

Autistics are perfectly capable of having romantic relationships and marrying. Yeah a big portion of autistics are aro aces, but there’s autistics who do feel romantic and sexual attraction? And gay, lesbian, bi, pan etc autistics exist too??? I mean when I told one of my friends about one of my crushes they were like “But I thought autistic people don’t feel romantic love?” and it’s bothered me that my well-meaning misinformed friend was part of a pretty big group.

Robots don’t make good autistic representation. I saw a post on this before that I think perfectly summed it up, “it’s really dehumanizing.”

OH MY GOD, you can tell us to SHUT UP. We want to FIT IN, we don’t want PEOPLE TO THINK WE’RE WEIRD. If we’re going on a rant on one of our interests, TELL US AND WE CAN TRY TO IMPROVE.

So, personal problem

So, my personal policy is that I don’t do secrets. The rule is that if someone asks, I tell them the truth to the best of my ability (I say it like that as I have a real shit memory). The only exception is if someone tells me not to tell anyone. If they tell me that, I keep it on the down low, because that’s their policy, not mine.

So, I share what I talk to my mom about with friends when she texts me, because it’ll be things like plans for where I’m going on Saturday and stuff, or she’ll mention them in a positive way and I want them to know that she likes them since she doesn’t say it often. Today, my mom told me that she feels like she can’t tell me her opinions anymore as I’ll tell someone else, which is fair, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Like, I value her opinion. Maybe too much. I care what she thinks to the extent that I’ll stay up for days at a time in anxiousness when I think I might’ve disappointed her. The comment hurt, a lot more than I think it should’ve. Like, social cues are hard. I don’t instinctually know what I’m allowed to share and not allowed to share. I need someone to tell me, otherwise, I think that it’s fine to share. I’ve told my mom as much and she says that it’s too much work, and she doesn’t want to “compromise my morals” and “make me lie on her behalf”, so she has just decided that she isn’t going to tell me what she thinks anymore unless it’s something skin deep and not controversial in any way, shape, or form. I just don’t know what to do because I try and try and TRY to get it but I either misunderstand and fuck it up that way, or share too much and fuck it up that way. I just want to be able to have her trust me and tell me how she feels without having to feel like I’m stupid and panicking over whether I’m allowed to talk about it or not. I just want to be able to talk about how I feel and how what others say makes me feel because it helps me get better at communicating. I didn’t start talking till I was around four, and couldn’t even communicate feelings until around seven. I still have trouble with it, and I try as hard as I can and it just doesn’t work. She told me herself that she’s not upset or angry or disappointed or anything, she just doesn’t think that I can be trusted with her opinions when like, I can, I just don’t know when I’m crossing the line??? Just tell me??? It just takes a couple of seconds to tell me not to share a conversation with people and then I can easily say, “Oh, okay, cool, that makes sense, I now understand that this conversation is private!”

It just hurts, and we’re going on the twenty minute mark of me, sitting curled up, crying and sad and physically hurting because of how upset I am. And the worst part is that none of those feelings are even close to being directed at anyone but myself. If I could just stop being slow and autistic and learn how to fucking read people just a little bit better than maybe I wouldn’t always feel like a weak link and a liability that has to cling to whoever shows me even a little bit of niceness because who the fuck else would wanna be stuck with a whiny little mistake like me?