Photo: “JOSH & IRA” - webseries

Day 268: “Temporary”

Date:

7-16-19

Mood:

Breathe. Focus. Breathe. Focus.

ALL IN:

Early entry tonight. Gotta be up for a shoot tomorrow. Ya know.. I know what I want and need. In life and career. And it’s difficult yes. But not impossible. I don’t want the house to burn while I’m in it. And it won’t.. I am laser focused at the moment and am excited for goals I’m setting for myself in these next 6 months.. in these months my life will majorly change for the better and I will obtain those goals that I’ve reached for so long now. Keep going Josh. Almost there. It’s just been such a long and hard road. I’m good. Just reflecting on halftime of the year. I’m back in the game now. I’m looking to change things up. Raise the bar. And win.

Photo: “NO TITLE EXISTS” - photoshoot with Deano

Day 261: “Poetry”

Date:

7-9-19

Mood:

Limitless

Actor:

I sent for jobs throughout the day, and lined up a Skype meeting tomorrow for a shoot. It requires great improv skills. So it seems up my alley.. other than that I stayed consistent. Kept on the heavy bag 🥊

Filmmaker:

Ooooh things were going and flowing today. It started s bit slow. But as I got into it the words were flowing. I was on the short film series today and my words were there. Felt great. I was expressing so much. And really capturing deep feelings inside. That beautiful thing that writing and creating does.. And I finalized some words in another script. I’m telling you I feel so alive while making these short films. I really am painting and learning and expanding my mind as I move forward. And I think 🤔 I do know my filmmaker style. Because I was thinking of a comedy series that I plan on doing soon and my “shooting style” would be pretty similar. That’s just to say I feel I know how to translate what is on the inside.

I also edited today and I really think I completed part 1 of the short! 🎉 I am so damn meticulous though so I’ll probably watch it over and over for the next week just to make sure it’s right. But I did the same thing with “Monroe”. And i was very proud of how it turned out.

Final Thoughts:

I’m getting it all together. Now I just need to make sure it fits.. I glanced at some emails from a couple of years ago between me and my Director of Photography.. damn those were some good times. We shot Monroe. I took on a mountain 🏔 a 🐉 dragon. So much moxie.. and I feel that again with these short films. I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I have full and complete confidence in myself. I know I’ll be proud of what I produce. Just gotta be sure to pick my head up and look around. Because I’m living in a beautiful time. My best life. I sometimes get so bogged down in gotta keep pressing on, foot on the gas, charge through… I fit get to look around. Take it in. I’ll miss these days. I’ll be in better times. But these days… I can already feel I’ll miss. So lemme do a little experiment.

A little honesty experiment. This is for future Josh. Hey dude… as you read this I’ll give you the exact way you are feeling at this very moment…

Okay..

Here we go.

…

Determined. disconnected. Guarded by an unknown force. Jaded by people and experience.

Hopeful. I have a strong base and a fire in my gut.. I fear to go deeper. There are wounds that haven’t healed.

Gaining balance. Letting lose the grip. Calm. Trusting of my process. 👈🏽that’s a big one. Glad everyone I care for is okay. 👈🏽another big one. Making time count. Don’t want time to run out. Trying be my best self everyday and capturing the moments. Climbing the hill. Listening. Learning so so much. About myself. And about want. And need. And desperation.

Driven. Never will stop. Genuinely this thing I’m on will have to kill me because. I’m taking this the whole way now…

I think that’s it.

Those are just some free range Thoughts.

Emotions in the brain.

Okay. Well I’m gonna shut it down. Thanks for reading 📖 see ya tomorrow.

Photo: “RAZER” - Commercial

Day 260: “Okay.. Now We’re Movin”

Date:

7-8-19

Mood:

Triumphant

Actor:

Sent for jobs. Spoke to my agent.. the well has been dry as of the past week and a half. Ready for the works💪🏽. Got a notice for a self tape. The message was incredibly rude and disrespectful. Just speaking down to people really.. and they offered low pay + lots of memorization. Um no thanks.. you lost me at the asshole attitude. Some casting directors really need to stay far away from this business, because their classless actions have the foulest stench of insecurity.

Filmmaker:

Clay has been a tug o war as of late. I go one way but I don’t know if that’s right. I go another and then I second guess.. I’m very much of the “I gotta feel it” variety. It sounds uga buuga I know. But I listen to my gut. And so far. We haven’t agreed on the choices we have. Now don’t be mistaken. A lot is written.. I mean a lot. But. The why is still unclear.. it’s something “film school podcast” brought to my attention. The why needs to be clear. And that’s the journey I’m on with it at the moment..

editing is that 🔥 i really feel when you’re a filmmaker. You finish your writing in the editing room. Now you still have to have a complete script yes. But. The way that film will come out. That final bit is written on that editing timeline 🎞

Final Thoughts:

Today. Oh today.. by leaps and bounds today. I was offered a partime ongoing gig recently to add to my partime on going gigs. It’s great. Looking forward to it working well.. it’s happening. The everything is happening. And I realized… this time now. This year. This day 260. This blog. I’m documenting a very very important time in my life. It’s special and it feels as such. I documented a day by day account of this amazing ride I’ve been on. The highs and the lows.. today was a win. I called an audible in the middle of the day and switched my play. And it worked out 🌅thank god because it totally couldn’t have.. but it did. And this train is movin’.

I’ve set up my “next steps” for lacks of better words. And things are working. Let’s keep it going and do the damn thing. 😎